<p><span></span><em>Bachelor Pad</em>'s witty meteorologist reports his weekly predictions to <em>Life & Style</em>.<br />
Hi, it's the Weatherman (a.k.a. Jonathan Novack) from the Bachelor Pad! If you remember, Ali Fedotowsky sent me home in New York City on this past season of The Bachelorette. If you don't remember, I enjoy long walks on the beach, wearing white jackets and battling with Craig M.
Now I'm back in the house, and the drama-filled Bachelorette has nothing on Bachelor Pad! ! After watching Michelle lock Tenley in the bathroom and Elizabeth manipulate Kovacs, it's clear we're in for a wild ride -- and it's only going to get crazier.
I've recently discovered that my weatherman skills give me the specific ability to forecast next week's events on the show, and I'll be here to provide a weekly report. Like any weatherman, I can't guarantee the accuracy of this forecast, so keep that in mind. (Also, you'll find no spoilers here!)
We all know Tenley craps rainbows, but next week we'll discover that her burps smell like German chocolate cake. She'll also reveal that if she wins the money, she'll start a bakery. It will be in a magical land that sits on a cloud.
Kovacs and Elizabeth will work things out through therapy with Chris Harrison, but they'll go right back to fighting after Elizabeth learns that Kovacs is getting a foot rub from David.
Natalie will take a vow of celibacy, and Jesse B. will become severely depressed as a result. We'll then find out that Natalie meant "celebrity" not "celibacy."
We'll also find out that Gia actually has two boyfriends, and she'll hobble away from the mansion on crutches, get stuck in the bushes and yell "Jabroni" at everyone.
Wes will date seven girls in the house and still deny that he has a girlfriend. He'll then write a song about it.
David will get angry, turn green and destroy the gazebo by the pool.
I finally get Krisily's name right, but still find that calling her "Chrysanthemum" is way more fun.
And finally, my weather machine tells me that we'll find out Craig M.'s hair is trying to break free. Craig takes control and combs it into submission.
All this will happen next week (probably not) on the sizzling show of summer, Bachelor Pad.
Follow the Weatherman at Twitter.com/Jonathan_Novack.
Photo Credit: Courtesy of ABC
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