Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Strange Relationship Is Weird AF

Reality star Kim Kardashian was on her way out the celebrity door after her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries. Right when we were almost through with her, Kanye West swooped in, gave her a makeover, and made her bigger than ever. Although their pairing seemed strange at first, the super couple's relationship grew on people. Even their bizarre kids' names gradually started to feel less weird.

And that's the problem. Although Kim loves to go on talk shows and chat about how she and Kanye like to watch Family Feud like any other married couple, their relationship is far from normal. From the way Kanye "approves" Kim's clothes to Kanye's obsession with their "brand," the couple sounds more like a business transaction. In addition to that, you have all the bizarre ways Kanye likes to describe their relationship. Who can forget the time he compared their love to Romeo and Juliet? "I felt like our love story is a love story for the ages," he said on the TODAY show. "I felt like when we first got together it was like a Romeo and Juliet kind of thing where it's like she's a reality star and I'm a rapper." Except they both die at the end? Anyway, he also recently made yet another baffling comparison, calling Kim the "Marie Antoinette of our time." Except she was beheaded? Where is Kanye going with this?

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However, probably his weirdest description of Kim was when he called her his "dinosaur," referring to the famous quote from Step Brothers. "[Kim] is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur," he told Vanity Fair. "You mean to tell me that this girl with this f–king body and this face is also into style, and she's a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That's just as cool as a f–king fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen."

OK? But you have to admit, Kanye's obsession with Kim's looks, their "brand," and her clothes does make it seem like something is off with their relationship. Below, a few more reasons why we're side-eyeing their marriage.

Kanye has weird "rules" in place for Kim.

When Kanye famously threw out all of Kim's clothes in return for a new Kanye-approved wardrobe, it set a precedent for their entire relationship. Although Kim has said in the past that she doesn't mind Kanye's fashion rules, her willingness to go along with whatever he says reveals an uncomfortable power dynamic. Kanye not only tells Kim what to wear, he also sends her emails when she wears the wrong sunglasses, approves cuts for Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and even forbids her from texting during his concerts. He's such a stickler for perfection, he once told Kim she needed to lose weight in her toes. Whatever happened to "I love you just the way you are"?

The PDA is only for the cameras.

During the 2016 Video Music Awards, Kim and Kanye sat in the front row like royalty. On the live feed, viewers could watch them as they giggled and flirted like teenagers. Cute, huh? But an eagle-eyed writer at Yahoo! noticed that, while watching the live feed, the couple was oddly distant backstage, choosing to ignore each other and stare at their phones instead. Quite a drastic change from their usual lovey-dovey on-camera antics.

And let's not forget that weird AF wedding speech.

Most wedding speeches are usually about love and well-wishes to the happy couple, but since Kanye is so good at rambling incoherent speeches, he decided to do it at his own wedding. According to an insider, Kanye didn't talk about how much he loved his wife, he talked about…celebrities. "They feel like it's okay to put you on the tabloid covers to sell your image, to use you in an SNL spoof," he said. A little while later, he added, "The Kardashians are an industry!" Once he finally got around to talking about his wife, he complimented her by calling her the "ideal celebrity…the ideal art." Oookay.

And what's with the emails?

Earlier this year when Kim revealed that Kanye sent her an email telling her to stop wearing large sunglasses because they weren't trendy, the Internet was shocked at Kanye's controlling nature. However, the most alarming thing to us about the story is not that he was ordering her around but that he told her in an email. Apparently, Kanye and Kim exchange lots of emails throughout the day — so much in fact that, when asked what was the most annoying thing about Kim, Kanye said he hates when he has to remind her to forward an email.

In the age of smartphones, emails are usually reserved for work-related matters or sending large attachments. Seems like a pretty cold, impersonal communication tool of choice for a married couple.

They spent most of their honeymoon photoshopping their wedding pictures.

It's no surprise that Kim and Kanye are both a little vain, but the amount of effort they took into making sure their wedding pictures looked perfect was a little extreme. "I'll tell you a little story about the kiss photo my girl put up," Kanye said at a 2014 conference in France. "We – and this was pissing my girl off during the honeymoon. She was exhausted because we worked on the photo so much because Annie Leibovitz pulled out, because I think she was scared of the idea of celebrity. I was like 'I still want my wedding photos to look like Annie Leibovitz's photos,' and we sat there and worked on that photo for four days." Yikes.

Kanye only cares about Kim's beauty.

Whenever Kanye speaks about his wife, it's never about anything other than her looks. When asked about it, Kanye pretty much confirmed that, yep, that's all he cares about. "People used to be, 'What is [Kim] talented at?'" he said in 2013. "She’s talented at being beautiful! Like, if you go to a club, and you see a bunch of beautiful girls, you might say, 'It's a bunch of talent.'"

Kim is totally cool with Kanye rapping about sleeping with other women.

Kanye infamously rapped "I feel like me and Taylor [Swift] might still have sex" in "Famous," which ignited the epic feud between him and the singer. Kim obviously took Kanye's side in the feud, even criticizing Taylor in interviews. But some people found it rather odd that Kim was so cool about her husband rapping about boning other women. When asked about it, Kim shrugged it off, of course. "That doesn't bother me at all," she told GQ. "I'm usually sitting there in the studio when he's writing it. I'm not offended. I could care less." Really, Kim?

It's all about branding.

Probably the strangest thing about Kim and Kanye' relationship is their focus on maintaining their "brand." Kanye's ex, Brooke Crittendon, told The Sun back in 2013 that Kanye "had a thing" for Kim for a while, but ultimately pursued her to create the ultimate celebrity duo. "For Kanye, what other person besides Kim Kardashian is there?" she said. "There’s Halle Berry, J-Lo and Beyoncé, but they are all taken. She fits into his brand. Part of being untouchable is having what other people want. It’s about saying, ‘Everybody wants her and she wants me’. That makes sense in Kanye’s
world." Well that just about says it all, doesn't it?