Hot guy: Check. Crying: Check. Hyperventilating: Check. Crazy: CHECK.Just like ABC manages to do every season, last night's premiere of The Bachelor had it all, and didn't disappoint when it came to introducing Juan Pablo Galavis to a series of interesting (for lack of a better word) women.The two-hour kickoff featured an array of ladies who managed to capture both the 32-year-old hunk's eye and ear -- which didn't prove so successful for the people (or person, rather -- ahem, we're talking to you, Lauren H.) who decided to share a bit too much information early on.Kiss of death, gals. Kiss. Of. Death.But from the batch of 27, we've highlighted the seven who had viewers (and Juan's) jaws dropping last night.
Even before she met the former professional soccer player from Venezuela, the 25-year-old mineral coordinator got right into her love life, which she explains "totally sucks."
She then, of course, went into detail about her last relationship. "I met a man a little over a year ago and I was all in. I loved him every much, we got engaged, six weeks later, I was at work, I got a phone call and he told me it was over. It was pure shock. It’s something you just don’t get over, it is."
She started panicking when she realized just how brutal it's going to be competing against 26 women for Juan's heart. Really, Lauren? You didn't think about that BEFORE you signed up for the show?
Things really kicked into high gear when she couldn't figure out how to get one-on-one time with the star of the show. Hm, we guess she couldn't figure out walking over to him and asking him for a few moments would probably work.After crying and crying and crying to the cameras and Ashley (poor girl didn't make it through the premiere and we're blaming Lauren for that!), she finally got her alone time.And what does she do? Goes on and on about her ex-boyfriend to Juan, doesn't ask him a single question and then is heartbroken when he doesn't choose her.
"I can't believe I'm going home the first night...I've been through a lot and I'm sick and tired of people feeling sorry for me," she says as she departs (while crying).LOL.
"I want a man that wants to be rubbed by me!" the 31-year-old Floridian says.
With that, she forces an incredibly awkward (and we really mean awkward) massage on Juan, who calls it -- you guessed it -- "pretty awkward!"
"I’ve never gotten a massage with a suit on," he tells her as she's rubbing his neck.
Big mistake, Juan. Big. HUGE.Amy makes him take off his jacket and massages his body on top of his clothes. Seriously, this is paining us to write as we remember this very moment.
"I feel like you’re one of the most beautiful people and I feel like we probably have a lot in common," she tells him.
So, Amy thinks she's really beautiful, too. What could they possibly have in common at this point?
“I saw something in him I could see for the rest of my life, and wake up to for the rest of my life,” she says to the camera.Unfortunately, her hands didn't work any magic and the father-of-one sent her packing. So much for the rest of your life, Amy. Here's hoping your next man loves bizarre rubdowns.
Before we say anything, let's discuss Juan's obsession with this chick's dress. He must have complimented it at least three times. He might as well have asked if it came in his size.
Anyway, he takes an instant liking to her.
When it comes time for their one-on-one time, she doesn't seem at all interested, but for some reason this made Juan want to give her the first impression rose. Why? We're not exactly sure. This girl's face basically said "I'm just not into you."The 29-year-old herself is very shocked when he presents her with it. When he asks her if she'd accept this rose, she says, "sure," which sounded more like a "do I really have to?"
We guess she really wooed Juan when she offered him the first drink inside the house. Way to make a statement."I'm not going to lie, I'm incredibly flattered, but what matters to me is I either feel something or I don't, and it's still a little early to say for me," she says to the camera.
Obviously this does not sit well with the lions and tigers outside who are ready to pounce on opera girl.
Pediatric nurse Nikki, 26, says, "There are so many girls who wanted the rose and would have done anything for it. It sucks it wasn't me… When the rose ceremony comes, I'll be terrified."If we're being honest, we're more upset Sharleen didn't belt out a tune during their first introduction. That's all we wanted to see.
The 24-year-old Californian's occupation is free spirit, so that should explain everything about her.
She arrives wearing a white gown with a flower headband and barefoot. Juan's facial expression is priceless.But guess what? He must have really appreciated it when she threw her legs over him during their alone time because you'll be seeing her next week.
The 32-year-old hairstylist from Sacramento, Calif., decided to rock a fake baby bump during her first interaction with Juan.
He, of course, sports a shocked facial expression upon seeing her for the first time.
She says she knows he has a daughter and that he wants more kids...so, okay, that's why she did this? Girl, you cray cray.She asks him to feel her belly -- which he does -- then she tells him it’s not real. But she plans to play a joke on the rest of the girls inside. Okay, so she's redeemed herself. We were all giddy with joy thinking about all the reactions from the females inside.It goes over well with Juan, who says she's "very cute" and ends up choosing her at the end.
The 27-year-old dog-lover (yes, that's listed as her occupation) from Georgia made quite an impression when she brought her adorable puppy along to the mansion.
Juan's all super excited when he sees the pooch exit the limo.
"I hope the owner likes me," he says. That Juan. So, so clever.
You know what? Forget Kelly. We just want to stare at this cutie pie all day:
This woman seemed more excited about the mansion than actually meeting Juan. She did, after all, walk inside before finishing her conversation with him.Well, no one puts our leading man in the corner and unfortunately for the 23-year-old interior decorator from Illionois, she didn't get a rose.
Wait, backing up.
She thought she got a rose and made a complete fool of herself on national television when she thought Juan called her name, but actually called someone else's and is probably humiliated this morning because everyone's talking about it and all her friends from high school probably saw it and now she's going to be "that girl" at the local bar and she'll probably end up crying in that bar's bathroom and will forever have to live with the fact that she was the girl who thought Juan picked her up, but didn't.
By Chantal Waldholz / @blondieewood
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