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It's been almost two years since Tracy Morgan nearly died in a car accident that claimed the life of his friend, James McNair. And in a new interview, the comedian opens up about his difficult recovery.
"I said, 'If my funny ever went away, I'd die.' And I thought I was going to die for a long time," the 47-year-old tells Rolling Stone. "My thoughts—I was in a very dark place. I was sitting right here, contemplating suicide. I couldn't walk."
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The 30 Rock star — who broke his leg, nose and several ribs, along with suffering a traumatic brain injury after a Walmart truck slammed into the limo van he was traveling in — remains convinced that he visited the afterlife while in a coma, seeing his father Jimmy Morgan, who died of AIDS in 1987.
Tracy with wife Megan Wollover and daughter Maven. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
"He was the one who said, 'Go home, son. I ain't ready for you yet,'" Tracy tells the mag. "I don't think I cheated death. I think this was the plan. My room wasn't ready."
The SNL alum also fought to stay alive for wife Megan Wollover and their two-year-old daughter Maven, as well as his three sons from a previous marriage. But the guilt of surviving while his mentor James perished is at times almost too overwhelming to bear.
"Emotionally, it's hard for me to deal with," Tracy, who sees a psychiatrist, admits. "I asked everybody to be there that night. I have to live with that. But I had to forgive myself. I know Jimmy would want it like that."