Well, maybe now we know one of the reasons Kim Cattrall said no to a new Sex and the City movie. Sarah Jessica Parker, 52, allegedly makes bizarrely specific demands of her domestic staff when it comes to the care of her and Matthew Broderick’s three children, James Wilkie, 14, and twins Tabitha and Loretta, 8.

Tasks include carefully monitoring “how hard the children blink” when administering pink eye medication and refilling a tiny Vaseline container when it’s empty (instead of buying a new one!) Comedian Michelle Collins revealed the wacky assignments from emails, which she claimed she got from one of the Divorce star’s employees. Here’s a list of the chores awaiting SJP’s minions:

  • The face wash and Neutrogena Body Wash in James Wilkie’s personal shower should be continually replenished.

  • When refilling the teeny-weeny, 1.75-ounce Vaseline container, use “a small spoon or knife,” then hand-wash it using a paper towel, followed by a cycle in the dishwasher.

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  • Staff is forbidden from buying multiples of products. Instead, check the levels of each product daily, and replace products immediately only when they have completely run out.

  • “Taco Tuesday” grocery list: Whatever meat goes in tacos.

Hey, if we could ever afford domestic staff, our demands would probably look pretty similar!