‘Cry-Baby’ Turns 25 — So Where Are the Drapes and Squares Now?

Misc

Apr 7, 2015 5:16 pm·

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Johnny Depp, 51 “Wade ‘Cry-Baby’ Walker”

The “happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore” is now one of Hollywood’s most successful leading men! The father-of-two, who’s been nominated for three Oscars, has nearly 75 acting credits to his name including the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ franchise. He recently wed actress Amber Heard, thus confirming his love for Allison most definitely fizzled. But what we really wanna know is, does electricity still make him insane?

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Amy Locane, 43 “Allison Vernon-Williams”

Back then, she was singing to the jailer and asking him to let her man go free, but these days she’s the one behind bars. She was sentenced to three years in prison in February 2013 for driving drunk during a 2010 car crash that claimed the life of the driver in the other vehicle. The blonde beauty, who also starred in ‘School Ties,’ ‘Airheads’ and ‘Melrose Place,’ was released on parole June 12, 2015. Cry-Baby, it’s time to return the favor, dude.

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Ricki Lake, 46 “Pepper Walker”

After giving Allison a bad girl beauty makeover, Ricki became a household name when she hosted her self-titled talk show, which won an Emmy and aired from 1993 to 2004. These days she doesn’t act as much, but is a loving mom to her two sons, Milo, 17, and Owen, 13. She also gave us this gem: “My brother wouldn’t touch your titties with a ten-foot pole. He likes his women bad, Lenora, not cheap.” EPIC.

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Traci Lords, 46 “Wanda Woodward”

Fact: We all felt a little bad for Wanda’s home life — her parents were just TOO square to raise a bad ass drape. Prior to being cast in the film, Traci was a porn star…but that all changed after she got a taste of Hollywood. In the 90s, she was signed to a record deal and starred in several TV shows including ‘Melrose Place’ and ‘Married With Children.’ You might recognize her from her role in 2008’s ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno.’ She recently starred in the film ‘Tag’ alongside Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Scout Taylor-Compton. And to this day, we’re still envious of her perfect cat-eye eyeliner.

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Kim McGuire, 59 “Mona ‘Hatchet-Face’ Malnorowski”

There was nothin’ the matter with her face; she had character! And now she’s a practicing attorney in Alabama. Did you know she was supposed to star in the film adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘Misery,’ but was replaced by Kathy Bates? (Kathy went on to win an Academy Award for her performance.) Kim gave up the Hollywood scene in the mid-‘90s and began her law career in LA in 1997. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a current photo of her, but the one of the right is a makeup-free pic from 1991.

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Darren E. Burrows, 48 “Milton Hackett”

As Ramona put it, he was young, stupid and mean. ‘Hatchet-Face’s’ boyfriend now lives in Kansas with his wife and their four sons. He’s had a steady career since ‘Cry-Baby’ having starred in 1997's ‘Amistad’ and an episode of ‘CSI’ in 2009. You can also keep up with him on Twitter.

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Susan Tyrrell “Ramona Rickettes”

One of the craziest and coolest grandmas in cinema! Unfortunately, Susan — who starred in several films during her 50-year acting career — passed away in June 2012 from a rare blood disease called essential thrombocythemia. She was 67-years-old.

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Iggy Pop, 67 “Belvedere Rickettes”

The uncle who gave “birthday suit” a whole new meaning! The super successful singer-songwriter is still very close with Johnny Depp. In fact, Iggy is one of his all-time heroes. The actor even recalled what it was like meeting him for the first time back in the 1980s in a hilarious ‘Interview’ magazine piece.

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Polly bergen cry baby mrs vernon williams

Polly Bergen “Mrs. Vernon Williams”

Even before she starred as the square-grandma-turned-drape-grandma, Polly was known for her stage and film work. She was also nominated for a Tony and Golden Globe. In September 2014, the 84-year-old actress passed away from natural causes. And if it wasn’t for her, Allison may not have picked the man who loved her most.

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Stephen Mailer, 49 “Baldwin”

Ugh, Baldwin. The biggest square of ‘em all who tried so desperately to ruin Cry-Baby’s life — and failed. Stephen continues to work in Hollywood to this day and starred in TV shows like ‘Law & Order’ and ‘Gilmore Girls.’ In 2008, he landed the role of Dan in Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's hilarious flick ‘Baby Mama.’ Thanks for giving us a rousing rendition of ‘Sh-Boom,’ Baldwin.

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Kim Webb “Lenora Frigid”

Cry-Baby may have scorched her, man, but the feeling definitely wasn’t mutual. After trying to get with Mr. Wade Walker SEVERAL times, she finally gave up and tried to make him jealous by switching over to the squares…which obviously didn’t work. Not much is known about Kim’s current whereabouts, but she did star in the 2009 TV movie ‘Washingtonienne’ as a “black tie attendee.” Her world was probably shattered when Cry-Baby didn’t want to see her gunboats…and didn’t care if she gave bare second on the first date. Hopefully she used her mentality and coooooled down because her bosoms ain’t nothin’.

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Scout Raskin, 32 & Jonathan Benya, 34 “Susie-Q” & “Snare-Drum”

Pepper’s two oldest kids! According to Jonathan’s Twitter, he’s a real estate team owner in Maryland. As for Scout, she doesn’t act anymore, but is a cartoonist! Check out her work here. And by the looks of this pic, the duo still keep in touch with their former co-star Mr. Johnny Depp.

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"I had my first cigarette before I could walk, and I was strumming this guitar before I could talk, cause I'm the King."

Sigh. The '90s were truly awesome.

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