Which new Kardashian is pregnant this week? It feels as though the recent KarJenner pregnancies were an onslaught of announcements, and with each one we could feel the whiplash of the one before. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting a baby via surrogate (smack)! Kylie Jenner is pregnant with boyfriend Travis Scott's baby (smack)! Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are going to have a baby (smack)! We hardly have a moment to catch our breath, and yet keep having to stay tuned because the Kardashian family is remaining pretty crypic.
The truth is, Kardashian baby announcements weren't always this intense (and constant) but there always seemed to be strange intentions with how the way baby news was delivered…
The Reign of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick's Children
It was a simpler time back when the Kardashians were still solely considered reality TV stars, and Lord Disick was just some douche who wore a lot of sweaters tied over his shoulders and could be easily mistaken for a Chad. Anyway, it was their Pimp Daddy E! that first broke the news that Kourt was pregnant with her first child. The scandal? Barring the out-of-wedlock aspect (which was, in 2009, just a dash less normalized than it is now), Kourtney kept it mum about who the father was. "You're going to have to see on the show," she said at the time.
Of course, the most obvious answer was Kourtney's on-again, off-again boyfriend Scott. But this was the earliest Kardashian pregnancy tie-in, the first time the sisters used a mystery in order to lure in viewers. Tune in next week, guys!
When Kourtney became pregnant with Penelope her method was decidedly retro and came with a little bit less intrigue — she sold the exclusive to Us Magazine. Pretty cut and dry, probably earned her a pretty penny, sort of what you would expect from a second pregnancy.
And when it came to little Reign, Kourtney went with a different strategy. With rumors already insinuating Scott may have knocked her up again, the eldest Kardashian sister stayed silent… until the cameras started rolling. Her announcement was woven into the Keeping Up With The Kardashians mid-season premiere
"I just wanted to tell you that I am pregnant," she says, almost restraining her glee. Scott reacts appropriately:
"I wasn't, like, planning this," Kourtney said defensively. But you know what? There is something inherently suspect about her getting pregnant accidentally again. And even if it was a legitimate mistake, you can't sit here and actually think that Kourtney's pregnancy and the subsequent tension between the couple are being used as a "Dun Dun Dun" cliffhanger to keep people watching. Like they don't already know what will happen. No matter how scripted this show is, we know that baby, and all their babies, will be totally OK.
Because they have money.
North West, Saint West, and Kimye's Bbs Take Over
There's a little bit of overlap when it comes to Kourtney's pregnancy with Reign, but really it's Kim's babies that soaked up the Kardashian spotlight. All things considered, Kim's first pregnancy announcement should've been delivered with a bit more flourish. Again, by the time it hit, the pregnancy rumors were already swirling.
See, leave it to Kanye to leak the information way too soon, and make it all about him. During a performance at the Revel in Atlantic City, NJ, Kanye ordered to them to "stop the music and make noise for my baby mama." The crowd cheered. An influx of excited tweets poured in from Kourtney, Khloé, and less important family members and fans. And whenever we think about this we just think of Kris Jenner sitting in a darkened room, seething quietly at the missed opportunity.
Then what's the deal with Kim's second pregnancy? Welp, Saint wasn't just a ratings baby, he was a plotline baby. After detailing with Kim's struggles with fertility on-camera, the Kardashians threw in the announcement as the hook in the teaser for that seasons KUWTK mid-season finale.
Looking back, it seems like there should've been something more creative behind the scenes of these announcements. Really the biggest amount of intrigue we could remember is that everyone was debating if Kimye Baby #2 would be named South West. It seems as though Kim was going to pull out all the stops for the upcoming surrogate baby, but before we touch upon that, let's take a look at…
Blac Chyna, Rob Kardashian, and the Social Media Strategy
This Instagram pic, though.
There is something masterful and uniquely self-absorbed about how Blac Chyna announced her pregnancy with Dream. Like we're not saying she doesn't love that sweet girl, we're just saying that this Instagram Chymogi effort is a beautiful stroke in post-modern pettiness. A literal cartoon f–k you to her last baby daddy Tyga, f–k you to Tyga's then baby-girlfriend Kylie, and a f–k you to the rest of the Kardashian clan now that she's going to have the sole Kardashian-named heir.
You know what, Kris could never think this up. It's a Game of Thrones type power move. Of course, this whole situation didn't end up well for everyone, but you've got to appreciate what an earth-shattering announcement this ended up being.
The Kardashian Baby Boom
Consider this: Keeping Up With The Kardashians is in it's 14th season, the show, and the family, is way past its jump-the-shark point, and as such, needs to make a move to pull out all the stops. Again, we're not trying to insinuate that 20-year-old Kylie Jenner intentionally got pregnant— that definitely seems like an eff up on Travis Scott's (or Tyga's?) part. But the mysterious Kylie pregnancy is now the biggest non-plotline of the season: the news broke (and was "confirmed" by multiple sources) just before the Keeping Up With The Kardashians 10-Year Anniversary Special. Instant shock value. Instant tweets. Instant viewers.
So now you sandwich this with Kimye's pregnancy-via-surrogate announcement and reports that Khloé, who for years has been yearning for a baby of her own, is also expecting. These are tales that in of itself would be epic, worth cashing in on, worth following on every sort of screen.
The thing is, a Kardashian baby announcement has never come with any amount of chill: there have always been opportunities to cash in on each little bundle of joy. But we're now inclined to believe that Kris has gotten very wise about pulling our strings, about making sure she'll always have that 10%. They're setting themselves up with a dynasty, a franchise, the Star Wars of reality TV. They're making sure we'll continue to keep up with them, for generations to come.