Do yourself a favor and stop what you’re doing to go follow Carly Aquilino’s Instagram account. As a longtime follower, I feel confident saying that the NYC-based comedian — who is best known for her standup career and her appearances on shows like MTV’s Girl Code — has always had an amazing social media presence, but she’s really taken things up a notch with the addition of her celebrity-inspired ant farm.
It’s been two weeks since the ant farm first arrived at her house and entered my heart, and it’s been non-stop entertainment ever since. This year (since obviously this isn’t Carly’s first time at the tiny rodeo), she opted to name her little pals after failed celebrity couples, which means that I — someone who gets to write about celebrities all day — has the honor of writing the sentence about a world in which (ant) Diddy is seen burying (ant) Billy Bob Thornton! Even if it is about the star’s insect counterparts!
If this is your first introduction of Carly’s amazing world of celebrity ants, allow me to get you up to speed on the events that have transpired since the ants first arrived two weeks ago; Billy Bob Thornton was not only killed while on the farm, but eaten by this fellow stars! The saga had a happy ending, at least, since (ant) Brad Pitt and (ant) Angelina Jolie were able to put their differences aside so Brad could console his ex-wife after the loss of her other former lover. All the ants piled on top of each other — in what Carly dubbed a celebrity orgy. Later, exes (ant) Samantha Ronson and (ant) Lindsay Lohan were seen together in rehab — where they were treated for their addiction to laxative tea (this is, after all, Instagram…) — before the 27-year-old turned her attention to a murder investigation after realizing the killer was still the loose. A formal investigation was launched shortly thereafter, and Carly later identified the victim as (ant) Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola; no word on where (ant) Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was at the time of death.
All in all, the ant farm has become quite a saga — one that I’m very invested in. So much so, that I actually find regular celebrity news boring since there aren’t nearly enough orgies and murder mysteries IRL. If you need me, I’ll be hopelessly refreshing Carly’s Instagram (also, if ants aren’t really your thing… I highly recommend her series dedicated to drawing master pieces on unsolicited dick pics).