Not even the biggest Jersey Shore fan could have expected Jenni “JWoww” Farley‘s miscarriage bombshell. On Thursday night’s episode of MTV’s reboot Jersey Shore Family Vacation, the guidette revealed that she and her husband, Roger Mathews, lost a baby before Season 4 in Italy.

“I was so bad in Italy,” she told her co-star Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. “Right before Italy, like three or four weeks before Italy, my grandmother passed and me and Roger actually lost a baby. I ended up pregnant. Not a lot of people know.”

Mike — who’s now sober after completing a stint in rehab for his painkiller addiction — continued to listen as she opened up about struggling with her medication. “I couldn’t handle life, but the medication — it was like Xanax, to take me down, and like, downers,” JWoww explained. “It was making me so groggy, then I started taking uppers with it. Segway right into Italy. I was a f–king mess.”

JWoww married Roger in 2015, and today they have two children: a three-year-old daughter, Meilani, and one-year-old son, Greyson. “We have two kids that we want to raise and by doing that and just uplifting each other in our family and in our home, that helps us — because we’re polar opposites,” she recently told Life & Style of her family life. “At the end of the day, even if we wanted to do a romantic dinner or something, we don’t. We want to bring the kids. When it’s ‘our time,’ we want it as a family.”

Jersey Shore Family Vacation airs on Thursday nights at 9 p.m. EST on MTV.