Which ‘Jersey Shore’ Castmates Have Legit Matured, and Which Are Man-Baby Ronnie

Ronnie Magro-Ortiz

Ugh, this guy, where do I even begin. Ronnie started Jersey Shore Family Vacation with so much — OK, that's generous — with a mild to moderate amount of promise. He had a baby on the way, he seemed precarious about it like all new dads are, and yet there wasn't a ton of red flags up front.

…there were only a few red flags up front.

Cut to Ronnie airing his grievances with ex-girlfriend Sammi, crying in the bathroom, cheating on his S.O. with a boobs-akimbo French Girl, and getting into a physical altercation with his baby mama on Instagram. Ronnie isn't just spiraling Tasmanian Devil style, but he hasn't changed an ounce since 2010, and that's deeply concerning now that there's a baby involved. Maturity and fatherhood clearly do not intersect.

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Speaking of which, we need to talk about Snooki, who years after first faceplanting into our lives has never been able to trade that moniker in for "Nicole." Look, we get it Snickers, you're a mom now. You're probably, I'd tentatively say, even a pretty decent mom. Those kids get a lot of love, and we understand you have mom guilt over leaving the little ones at home to party.

However, you can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can't take the meatball out of…the spaghetti…I don't know, Snooki seems to still be a disaster. Curling up with her hangover pizza and peeing in the pool, yeah, that's not cute after you leave the sorority house (or ever, as far as the latter goes). And you know what? On her own time, on not-national television, whatever, live your life.

But once you try to give a girl alcohol poison to keep your friend from cheating, not only does it show a hugely skewed worldview, it also shows you are completely incapable of solving a problem as an adult. Oh, and the worst part is that it's delivered like a cute Meatball antic. Snooki, you're 30. This is the kind of reckless endangerment that makes us not trust Snooki with our kids, let alone hers.

Paul 'DJ Pauly D' DelVecchio

Pauly D is like a perfect example of chaotic neutral. Although quickly approaching 40 years old, it seems like he (and his hair) are frozen in the time of fist pumps, house pranks, and spray tans. And yet, we can forgive that because, honestly, it doesn't really affect anyone. Like don't kid yourself, it's still weird to see his leathery self macking on randos in a hot tub. And yet unlike other members of the Jersey Shore family, fatherhood has seemed to chill him out even further. Not enough to turn it in early at the club, just enough to schedule some Tea Party Time with little Amabella.

Deena Cortese

You know what, in the first episode of Jersey Shore she appeared on, it seemed like Deena, though still yet to expect, was basically the mother of the group. I can't get the images of her scolding Snooki for acting out at the restaurant or driving Snooki and Jenni in the minivan all like, "Girls, girls, you both have very nice fake boobs" out of my mind from Family Vacation. We all give Deena props for trying.

And yet the second, the second you give that girl some Ron Ron Juice, it all unravels. I'm moving her a better place on the ranking because she didn't need to pop out a kid to straighten up, she just got married and you know, matured all on her own.

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

Here's the thing: Is Sitch far less of a Reality TV star villain this time around? Oh, hell yeah. We're not discounting that Mike has made leaps and bounds in maturity following that whole tax evasion f–k up and getting sober. Good for you, bro. Nevertheless, Situation's attitude these days seems a little…off, right? A little holier-than-thou, a little condescending? It feels like his mentality is very forced, and I can't help but think there's an underlying motive. Maybe we've all just been burned by him too many times.

Vinny Guadagnino

In terms of demeanor, Vinny was always the most mature, and as a result the least likely to make me want to slam my head into my desk. That still seems to be the case, and even all the nit-picky stuff about his Keto diet seems to be more about being a healthy prima donna than anything else.

However, Vinny is still a grown man who has his mom do his laundry. Although props for moving out of her house, I guess.

Jenni 'JWoww' Farley

And the Most Growth Award goes to…well, JWoww hasn't punched a single person on this spin-off yet, so if that isn't growing up, I don't know what is. In fact, the only fight she got into was her Snooki screaming match when she rightfully freaked after being called a mediator. These days, though, JWoww is a lover, not a fighter (or at least a mediator). She'll mom dance in the club with her chic AF glasses on and then turn in at 9 p.m. with a glass of Chardonnay.

We still don't buy her declarations of, "We're so classy now!" Like, sure, you're about as classy as when your high school boyfriend decides you're going to IHOP instead of the Taco Bell drive-through. Nevertheless, Jenni and her beige sweaters is a shell of the lamé-halter-top-wearing wild child we saw in the pilot. Which is…well, it's something.

Sammi Sweetheart

Sammi is the most mature cast member by far for having nothing to do with this show anymore. And that's the truth.

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