In Sunday night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian opened up even more about her struggle with infertility and revealed she lost an embryo before turning to surrogacy. Before her pregnancy with Saint, Kim underwent a fertility treatment, but it did not take.

“One didn’t work with me. I tried it and I lost one of them,” she said on the show. Her sister Khloé Kardashian provided more details about the procedure. “Before Kimberly got pregnant with Saint she had an embryo implanted in her and that embryo did not take,” she said. “So Kim is super nervous and anxious during this waiting period.”

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However, Kim did share some good news on the show and confirmed (again) that she is expecting a baby girl with husband Kanye West. But she’s trying to keep most of the information confidential because she does not want anyone to find out the identity of her surrogate. “I definitely want to keep it private… I don’t want people to find my surrogate. I don’t want people following her and chasing her,” Kim added. “I really trust my surrogate. I’m not trying to control her every move.”

However, that has proven difficult for the reality star, who — given the opportunity — would have preferred to carry baby No. 3 herself. “Anyone that says or thinks it is just the easy way out is just completely wrong. I think it is so much harder to go through it this way because you are not really in control,” she told Entertainment Tonight. “And, you know, obviously you pick someone that you completely trust and that you have a good bond and relationship with, but it is still… knowing that I was able to carry my first two babies and not, you know, my baby now, it’s hard for me. So, it’s definitely a harder experience than I anticipated just in the control area.”

She continued, “I hated being pregnant and I never thought I’d ever… I thought this was going to be so easy, but you know, even in how much I hated it, if I could do it myself I would have preferred that.” Kim’s surrogate is reportedly due early next year.