Getty Images
Martha Stewart Sparks Debate by Asking if This Wedding Practice Is ‘Rude’
Anyone who has ever planned a wedding can tell you that whittling down a guest list is not for the faint of heart.
Between deciding on who gets plus-ones, whether to invite children, and which extended family members make the cut, the guest list is a difficult task. But Martha Stewart recently floated a lesser discussed topic of etiquette about whether it’s “rude” to invite someone to a wedding shower but not the wedding.
And while on face value the question seems like a no-brainer, experts weighed in with some surprising takes.
To get to the bottom of the issue, Stewart’s website consulted with Made by Meg Catering president and executive chef Meg Walker and wedding expert Emily Forrest. Both agreed that generally, it is impolite to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding.
“Typically, this can make the guest feel as though they’re only being included for gift-giving purposes or as a placeholder,” said Walker. “From both an etiquette and hospitality perspective, it’s best to extend an invitation to pre-wedding celebrations only to those you plan to include on the wedding day itself.”
Forrest said that it would be particularly egregious to snub a guest when it comes to larger weddings. “If nearly everyone is invited to both the wedding and shower, but you’ve singled out just a person or two for the shower only, that can feel more hurtful,” she explained.
However, the pair also agreed that there are some instances when it is indeed appropriate to exclude someone from your big day but still invite them to the shower.
“If you’re hosting a very small, intimate wedding, it’s not rude at all,” added Forrest. “In fact, it can be a really thoughtful way to include people in your celebration. Just be upfront. Let them know your wedding is very small, but you’d still love to celebrate together at your shower or another pre-wedding event.”
Walker suggested other instances that are acceptable for inviting someone to the shower but not the wedding. Some examples include if the guest can’t make the wedding for some reason, if the wedding is an abroad elopement, or when it comes to workplace showers, which fall under more of a “a gesture of support.”
Stewart also posed the question to her Instagram followers, who nearly unanimously agreed that it would be a faux pas. “Absolutely. It silently screams, ‘Your gift is welcomed, your presence is not,'” scathed one user.
Though, there were a few who defended the practice under the right circumstances.
“A very beloved friend’s daughter was having a very small wedding. We were not invited. And that was OK,” reasoned another user. “We celebrated her with a shower and gave her all our love and best wishes. I’m so glad we did. It was about supporting her, not being invited to a small wedding.”
Yet another user said that when she got married in the ’80s, her father’s side of the family had a tradition to throw a shower for extended family who may not be invited to the wedding. “It was a lovely tradition and no one ever felt slighted and it was a way to stay in touch with distant cousins and great great aunts,” she wrote.
In either case, it’s nearly impossible to avoid slighting people with your wedding guest list, but keeping the above advice in mind should at least help prevent some drama. A little something for Taylor Swift to keep in mind ahead of her nuptials to Travis Kelce.
Conversation
All comments are subject to our Community Guidelines. Life & Style does not endorse the opinions and views shared by our readers in our comment sections. Our comments section is a place where readers can engage in healthy, productive, lively, and respectful discussions. Offensive language, hate speech, personal attacks, and/or defamatory statements are not permitted. Advertising or spam is also prohibited.