A Retrospective of 2017’s Limited Edition Starbucks Drinks

Molten Chocolate Frappucino, Hot Chocolate, Mocha

A chocolate trifecta which was great if you're a cocoa-holic. If you've always envied Augustus Gloop's syrupy demise, the short-lived era of Molten Chocolate Everything was your moment. For the rest of us, there was something super aggro (and kind of lazy) about a chocolate base with chocolate whipped cream AND chocolate drizzle.

Cascara Latte

Starbucks wasted no time, debuting the burnt-cherry-tasting Cascara Latte January 6th. It sounds fairly exotic: Cascara Latte. Like, if you're the average suburbanite Starbucks-lover you had no idea what it was (some kind of…berry wood?) but enjoyed that it sounded mysterious. Ultimately, the vouch for this continuously seemed to be, "It's pretty good." Instead of the Grade A certified basic b—h stamp of approval, "Legit obsessed! ?"

Lady Gaga's Cups of Kindness Collection

We're not going to throw shade at any series of drinks that promotes kindness or whatever. We felt charitable that entire week or so they were available. But do we remember the difference before the pink-ish lime one, the pink-ish strawberry one, and the pink-ish…other ones? No, just that they were probably refreshing and sipped up in less than 30 seconds. Cold drinks at Starbucks are basically just ice with a dash of milk and syrup.

Midnight Mint Mocha Frappucino

Perfection if you're an advocate for mint-chocolate combinations. If your pantry is stocked with Girl Scout Thin Mints long after cookie season, you adored this. For the rest of us, the alliteration-loving frapp was a flash in the pan.

Horchata Almond Milk Frappucino

Ok, this is so wildly pretentious from the very fact that we're emphasizing the almond milk again (guys plz) and using Horchata. What the hell is horchata? That promo image is insinuating cinnamon. Why don't we just say cinnamon? That's like your rebellious younger sister insisting that she's going by Kara Lynn Lee. Like, we get it, Caroline, you live in Brooklyn.

Toasted White Chocolate Mocha

The presentation, in perfect honesty, looks lovely, but we're resistant to try it. Why is that? Because nobody likes white chocolate. White chocolate is not even legit chocolate. What's next, the Black Licorice Latte? Leave.

Zombie Frappucino

The pink brains were a nice touch, but the second this started to melt it looked seriously grotesque and not in a "fun, spooky, gonna be total Instagram porn" kind of way. And why bother consuming artificial caramel apple flavoring if it's not going to look pretty for social media?

Christmas Tree Frappucino

We fell on the side of "pro" when it came to the Christmas Tree Frappucino, but we do have two notes. 1) It is basically a Peppermint Frappucino gift wrapped in time for the holidays. 2) By December our expectations for Starbucks novelty drinks were so low that this not tasting terrible was a great surprise.

Toffee Almond Milk Hot Chocolate

What even is toffee, though? And does anyone actively seek it out?

Maple Pecan Latte

The Maple Pecan Latte has some f—king nerve.

This strolled into the new Fall Drink line-up trying to dethrone the Pumpkin Spice Latte. "Pumpkin Spice is over," were the words on everyone's lips, "Make way for Maple!" Look. No infinity-scarf-wearing woman is going to write a Facebook status about how she's so stoked for Maple Pecan season. This drink needs to take a seat.

Chestnut Praline Tea Latte

Tl;dr We're not sure what we get from this that we wouldn't just get from a Chestnut Praline Latte (which is, admittedly, an understated delight). We didn't hate it, but this was a frantic last minute pick before work, so take that as you will.

Unicorn Frappucino

Listen. This color-changing catastrophe was the most boldly divisive drink of the year (of ALL TIME)? People went to war over it, some appreciating it's sweetly sour lavishness and others lamenting that there are "so many other things going on that are more important than a beautiful pink-and-purple frappucino named after a majestic beast."

Which, like. Maybe.

But we need to appreciate all the good that the Unicorn Frappucino did for Starbucks, nay, society. Love it or hate it, it was an iconic pop culture figure that kept people distracted from the utter trashfire that was 2017.

Also, UNICORN FRAPPUCINO.