3 Tips for Building Relationships in Your Adult Life

There’s no skirting around the truth: building relationships as an adult is brutal. In the U.S., where most people structure their social lives around family, being single is especially tough. Even making friends after college is hard work, and our culture affords few natural opportunities to build these connections. If you’re not married and don’t love your coworkers, it can be awfully hard just finding someone to talk to.

Meeting a potential partner is a whole other level of difficulty after a certain age. Approaching people in bars is a lot of pressure for a high rejection rate. And joining the dating apps can be a really quick way to kill your last shred of self-esteem. Unkindness abounds, and the internet makes it way too easy to judge people on looks alone. So how do you even begin to think about meeting someone as an adult? Here are some proven ways to put yourself out there.

1. Look Your Best

You don’t have to be the thinnest, fittest, youngest, or best-looking person out there to find or deserve love. And you don’t need to make drastic changes that make you look or feel less like yourself. But taking good care of your natural looks is still an important way to attract potential partners. Seek out things you can do to augment your appearance in ways that feel genuine and true to you.

Improving the way you look isn’t just about how you come across to others. It’s also a way to boost your self-esteem and confidence from the outside in. When you look in the mirror and feel real pride in your appearance, it changes your whole attitude. It’s easier to approach new people and to move through the world with more self-assuredness and positive energy.

Some small, simple changes you can make to improve your appearance include taking care of your skin and hair. Start a daily skin routine, deep condition your hair, and use products like minoxidil if you’re concerned about hair loss. Eating more fruits and vegetables while staying hydrated can also give your hair, skin, and nails a more radiant glow.

Physical exercise improves your appearance too even when you don’t lose weight or gain a ton of muscle. Working out can improve your skin tone and may even reduce wrinkles and breakouts. It gives your body more tone and definition — again, even without intense routines or huge bodily changes. And, as a bonus, you may find more opportunities to meet people through workout groups, classes, and the gym.

2. Improve Your Social Skills

Looking good only gets you so far: at the end of the day, people also have to like being around you. But it can be tough bringing new people into your life when you make a lousy first — or tenth – impression. The good news is, there’s probably already a ton to love about the real you. The trick is learning to make people comfortable sooner, so they get close enough to find out.

The good news is most social skills are just that: skills. They’re teachable concepts and methods you can study, practice, and adapt. You can take classes, in person or online, or read how-to books to practice things like small talk and appropriate body language. Or, you can join groups like Toastmasters or Skip the Small Talk to hone your conversational skills and meet new people in friendly settings.

Sometimes, however, inadequate social skills can be a result of deeper mental health issues. For example, social interactions could be harder for you than others because you’re coping with significant anxiety or PTSD. If mental health concerns are preventing you from seeking connections, it might be appropriate to pursue therapy or even medication.

Cognitive differences and neurodivergence can also make it more challenging for some people to socialize comfortably. People on the autism spectrum, for example, may struggle with social rules that dictate the ebb and flow of conversation. Neurodiverse meetup groups might provide an opportunity to meet relatable people, with some respite from the pressure to socialize a particular way.

3. Find Passion and Community

The best way to meet people — and potential partners — who share your interests is to spend time doing what you love. Whatever you’re passionate about, finding a way to do it with other people is one of the best ways out there to build connections. If you’re not sure what you love, make it a point to try new activities until you find what sticks. You’ll never figure it out if you stay home perseverating about what might make you happy.

A few ideas for geekier types are trivia nights, gaming clubs, book clubs, and comic and cosplay expos or conventions. These types of activities tend to attract more socially awkward types who may also struggle to interact with others. Meeting people, and especially partners, is also easier when you have a shared interest to talk about. And these types of events tend to attract open-minded people who will judge you less on appearances or superficial charm.

For the more physically adept, team sports, hiking, running, and rock climbing groups, or social dancing are all great options. Social dancing, in particular, is awesome because it forces you to constantly interact with potential dating partners. Most salsa dance classes are designed for singles and make you rotate around the room dancing with all different people. You have to hold hands and work together, making it easy to bond even if you have little to say.

Whatever you choose, you can’t go wrong by pursuing passions, interests, or curiosities that feel authentic to you. And many hobbies, art forms, and skill sets come with built-in groups of other like-minded individuals who gather regularly. You may not meet the person of your dreams right away, but at least you’ll be happily spending time on something you love. More likely than not, though, you’ll build lasting connections (including romantic ones) with other people who share your priorities.

Being Patient With Yourself

Building a social life and meeting potential partners can take a lot of time and effort. You may need many tries to find the right community or initiate conversations with new people. A lot of times, you meet someone promising, and it turns out they’re just not compatible with you. There can be a lot of excitement in putting yourself out there but also a lot of disappointment and frustration.

Be patient with yourself, and with others, as you navigate your way through the world of building adult relationships. Building confidence and making authentic connections is a lifelong process of growth for just about everyone. Don’t force a connection if it doesn’t feel right or if the other person makes it clear they’re not interested. Eventually, you’ll find the right people to give you the friendship — and maybe even love — you’re looking for.

Article presented by Adogy