“Oh, my sweet Zen. The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away. It’s a painful reminder that you are no longer here,” the influencer wrote via Instagram on Wednesday, December 8, and posted a video of her young daughter reading to the infant. Zen was Nick, 41, and Alyssa’s first child together.
Alyssa, 28, admitted the “silence is deafening” without the sounds of her sweet son. “I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me,” she continued. “When I close a door too loudly, I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn’t come.”
Zen was born on June 23 and died on December 5 after suffering from Hydrocephalus, a form of brain cancer. It had been a long health battle for the infant, as Nick said during the December 7 episode of his talk show that they became concerned when the baby was 2 months old.
At the time, Zen’s head appeared large and he began to develop what they thought was a sinus issue. Doctors found a tumor in his brain after initially thinking there was fluid building up, and the newborn was required to have immediate surgery.
The Wild N’ Out star said Zen’s condition worsened around Thanksgiving and the tumor began to grow very quickly before his death weeks later. Alyssa noted she and her baby boy had been in a “race together” amid his health issues. The parents had kept his cancer battle private until revealing the devastating news.
“We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going,” she continued in her tribute. “It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me. We were a team, both determined to see it through.”
Alyssa said it now feels “unbearable running without” Zen. “In this moment, I feel myself being carried. By your sister, by God, by complete strangers encouraging me to not give up,” she wrote. “It has been an honor and privilege being your mommy. I will love you for eternity.”
For his part, Nick thanked Alyssa and his family for the support, as well as the doctors, nurses and hospice care workers who cared for Zen.
“I have so much faith in the Lord, faith in God,” he said on his talk show. “People will often tell me to pay for the miracle. I prayed for the miracle of God’s strength, and that’s why I’m here today. I can fight through this.”
The Drumline actor is also a father to six other children Monroe and Moroccan, whom he shares with Mariah Carey, Golden and Powerful Queen, with Brittany Bell and twins Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir, with Abby De La Rosa.