Big girls don’t cry! It’s been one month since Fergie and Josh Duhamel announced that they’re splitting after eight years of marriage, and now the singer is opening up about it on an upcoming episode of The Wendy Williams Show. But the pain from her split seems like it’s still fresh and she held back tears as she talked about her estranged husband.

“It wasn’t my plan. I wanted to stay married forever,” the 42-year-old said in a clip from the Thursday, Oct. 24 episode, obtained by People. “I love Josh, he’s the father of my child…you’re making me cry.”

The couple, who tied the knot in 2009, share a four-year-old son named Axl. Their split came as a bit of a shock — especially since the couple celebrated their wedding anniversary in January with sweet messages on Instagram, writing, “[Eight] years!! Love you, babe.” She added, “Happy [eighth] anniversary to my bae.”

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8 years!! Love you babe.

A post shared by Josh Duhamel (@joshduhamel) on

But eight months later, Fergie’s rep released a statement to E! News confirming their split. “With absolute love and respect, we decided to separate as a couple earlier this year. To give our family the best opportunity to adjust, we wanted to keep this a private matter before sharing it with the public. We are and will always be united in our support of each other and our family.”

The pair went through a rough patch less than a year into their marriage when Josh was caught having an affair with a stripper. “When you go through difficult times, it really makes you stronger as a unit, as a partnership. It does for us, anyways. Our love today is a deeper love, definitely,” she said in 2012. “We’re stronger today definitely because of anything difficult that’s happened with us. We deal with it, we communicate; communicating’s the most important thing.”

Josh previously told Oprah Winfrey, “What it did is it put me in check and made me realize, ‘OK, what kind of man do you want to be?’ I’m actually thankful that it did happen, because, in a lot of ways it made me straighten my a– out.”

He continued, “We’ve both had to work for what we got. We’re both Catholic. There were a lot of things that were really compatible between us. But at the end of the day, she’s just an amazing girl.” First Anna and Chris, now Fergie and Josh? We can’t handle all this heartache!