"Sam, the first night at BED when you left, Ron made out with two girls and put his head between a cocktail waitress's breasts," and so the saga of the most infamous note written in reality TV history begins. Aptly dubbed the Jersey Shore note, this storyline began in Season 2, Episode 5 when the cast hit Miami to take their guido antics outside of the Seaside Heights Boardwalk.
At this point Jersey Shore was basically The Sam and Ronnie Show. They're relationship was like watching a car crash in slow motion — if both cars were greased up with self-tanner and flavored vodka. Truth is, though, Ronnie was way worse than Sammi. He was constantly creeping on other girls behind her back and something needed to be done. Yes, Sam was huge brat who abandoned all of her female roommates to focus entirely on her gorilla-juicehead-boyfriend, but surely she didn't deserve to be played for a fool, right? Right!
Jenni and Snickers (as Ronnie affectionately calls her) were, and continue to be, the heart and soul of the J. Shore cast. Their bond is absolute #FriendshipGoals! No shade to the rest of the cast, but, we love them the best. That said, the freakin' duck phone would have executed the note better than they did. It's not so much what the note said, which we'll get to in a minute, it's how they handled the aftermath.
Let's begin with the full transcript. Mind you, it was written in all caps — because that's not alarming, or anything.
"Sam, the first night at BED when you left, Ron made out with two girls and put his head between a cocktail waitress's breasts. [He] also was grinding with multiple fat women. When you left crying at Klutch, Ron was holding hands and dancing with a female and took down her number. Multiple people in the house know, therefore you should know the truth."
For two women, who up to that point, had made a living out of getting sloppy drunk, this note is pretty PG. For example, "Put his head between a cocktail waitress's breasts." Why not just say motorboated? But, we digress. JWoww and Snooki left the note for Sammi to find and the rest, as they say, is history — chaotic, violent, scream-crying, history.
The aftermath of the note was far more depraved than the note itself. In retrospect, we're sure that the girls are ashamed of how they handled it. Then again, look at who we're talking about here. Snooki peed in a pool during last week's Jersey Shore Family Vacation premiere, enough said! Upon discovering the note, Sam was in immediate panic. Poor thing, it's never easy to realize you're dating scum. Then, Jenni and Snooki decided to call the house to ask Angelina if Sam had found the letter — why couldn't they just let sleeping guidettes lie?!
Of course, Sammi answered the phone. What followed was an Oscar-winning performance from JWoww, who, decided to flat out lie! Snooks, naturally, followed her lead. In the episodes that followed, Sammi and JWoww beat the crap out of each other, Angelina played both sides of the fence like a snake, Ronnie continued to be garbage, Mike "The Situation" stirred the pot, and Vinny and Pauly D. watched it all unfold — with the rest of the country.
To this day, we'll never understand why Snooki and JWoww didn't initially own up to the letter, but, hey! It made for some amazing television and we thank them for that.