Things have been rather messy for Nikki Bella and John Cena as of late — considering they called off their engagement weeks before their wedding! Fans watched the couple of six years disagree over whether or not to get married and have kids, though the Blockers star seemingly had a change of heart and is ready to give Nikki what she wants.

But how does the Bella twin feel after her relationship imploded? "I walked on eggshells a bit," she told In Touch. "I was afraid to lose John, so I sacrificed a lot. And even though I acted like I was happy about the sacrifices, I wasn’t. I have hope for John and me, but I have to deal with the issues that gave me cold feet."

However, Nikki has hope the two will reconcile — and even kept her wedding dress, just in case. "I kept it because, honestly, I think that John and I will probably end up together," she told Life & Style last week. "He is my best friend and I love him." The Total Bellas star made the brave decision to call off the wedding because she didn't want to have "hesitation or regret," — though less than two week later, John appeared on Today and confessed his undying love for Nikki.

"I've looked at myself every day, and I've tried to evaluate myself every day, and the woman I love," he confessed, adding the split was "very difficult" for him. "For anyone out there speculating on what I'm doing with my life now: I still love Nicole. I would still love to marry Nicole. I still would love to have a family with Nicole." The former couple has been spotted spending time together since calling it quits, though it's unclear where their relationship currently stands.