Honesty hour. Shay Mitchell is currently expecting a girl with her longtime beau Matte Babel, but the actress reflected on how her first pregnancy ending in a miscarriage has affected her. She opened up during a heartfelt video on her YouTube channel on July 17 and confessed that the painful experience has made her extra cautious this time around. The brunette beauty even waited six months before publicly announcing that she was pregnant with their rainbow baby.

“I chose to hold on to when I announced because of the first time. It didn’t go as I had hoped for and it was extremely difficult,” the 32-year-old admitted. Shay noted that they weren’t actively trying to have a child, but it turned out to be something they wanted. “The first time that I was pregnant last year, Matt and I hadn’t been planning. It had happened and we were really excited about it.”

The Pretty Little Liars star explained that the miscarriage rocked her world in the worst way. “I was, like, 14 weeks. At that point, I had no idea [about] the percentage of miscarriages. When it happened, I was just completely blindsided by it,” she said.

While the couple is over-the-moon about their new addition, Shay can’t help but feel for her first baby. “I still have all those photos on my phone and I still have all the doctor visits and it’s weird because I haven’t looked at them, obviously, but it’s not like I forgot about that happening,” the Canadian divulged through tears. “So, of course, I’m super happy but I still feel for that one that I lost.”

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One way that her previous experience has affected her current pregnancy can be seen in the nursery. The bedroom set aside for their daughter is still functioning as a guest room and a place to store shoes. “We haven’t touched one thing in here because of the miscarriage. I just want to wait it out. I want to get to as late as possible and then … ” the You star finished the thought by snapping her fingers.

Shay’s miscarriage was so unfortunate and she feels for all the other women who have had similar experiences. “For me, it was one time,” she began. “I know other women and friends of mine who have gone through a way harder journey … Seeing that, it’s really tough because you feel broken as a woman and that’s not a great feeling.”

It’s amazing how candid Shay is about such a sad thing to have happened. We’re glad things are going smoothly this time around.