Just because Tana Mongeau is best known for her fun, larger than life personality, doesn’t mean there’s not more to her. In fact, like anyone else, the 21-year-old YouTuber is still contending with her childhood. 

“I grew up in Vegas with two parents who are completely unfit to be parents,” Tana admitted during her MTV holiday special, Tana Claus. “I still, in so many ways, just want nothing to do with them.” Even with an incredible support system of friends, including Tana’s manager, Jordan Worona, the Streamy award-winner has some bad memories. 

Tana Mongeau's Holiday Special Confessional
YouTube/MTV

“Family outings were always really sh–ty for me growing up,” she admitted. “I feel like my dad was really, really peak-level embarrassing — whether he was screaming at me or just cheap and rude. My mom would never have gotten dressed and been ready at a normal time … and like, gone ice skating.”

Despite Tana’s reservations about her mom and dad, it’s Christmastime and with that, comes the desire to be around family. “If my parents die, am I going to spend the rest of my life regretting the fact that I didn’t go this Christmas?” Tana asked herself.

Tana Mongeau's Holiday Special
YouTube/MTV

“But also, if I go this Christmas, I’m going to be sad the entire time because it’s going to be me doing everything, holding everything together … you know, being the parent. I’m the parent of my parents,” she added. “It sucks. I don’t want to be that, I just want to be the kid.”

On Monday, December 23, Tana took to her Instagram Story to reveal that she’s back in Las Vegas with her longtime ride-or-die Imari Stuart and bestie Isabella Fusco. As it stands, she has yet to reveal whether or not she’ll be visiting her parents.

However, it’s clear that Tana is surrounded by people who love her! “This girl just came up to me shopping and hugged me and goes, ‘I just got done watching your holiday special,’ and I legit started to cry. It never won’t be surreal to me meeting y’all,” she tweeted.

Happy Holidays, Tana!