Honesty hour. Former Bachelor Ben Higgins detailed his previous struggles with addiction, tough split with ex-fiancée Lauren Bushnell and more in his tell-all book, Alone in Plain Sight: Searching for Connection When You’re Seen But Not Known.
Ben, 31, is a beloved member of Bachelor Nation and is known for his sweet demeanor and kindness. However, he admitted in his book it was a long journey to become the man he is today.
In his book, he said he became “addicted” to painkillers after a knee injury in high school that led to two surgeries. “I knew I needed to get off of them, but I found it hard to do when, after every surgery, I was prescribed them again,” the former Bachelorette contestant shared. “In addition, a lot of the people I chose to hang out with at this stage of my life were also taking painkillers.”
During that time, the reality star added he “started to treat people like objects that existed for my pleasure” and “hurt” a lot of people in the process.
“I don’t want to go into too much detail, but suffice it to say I used a young woman as nothing more than an object for my pleasure,” Ben explained. “When it was over, I discarded her. I didn’t care about her story or her desire for a relationship that wasn’t just physical and lasted longer than one night. I didn’t care that I’d hurt her. All I cared about was myself.”
The weight of his struggles became too big of a burden and the podcast home became “completely disconnected from everyone.”
“I wasn’t just depressed. I was ashamed. I’d made a huge mess not only of my life but of the lives of others,” Ben said. “I felt so bad that I retreated deep inside myself because I was afraid I was going to hurt somebody again. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself.”
Eventually, Ben said he had to come (literally) face-to-face with the person he had become. “When I made eye contact with myself, I felt like the devil himself was staring back at me. ‘Oh, God,’ I said out loud. ‘Who is this? This is not the man I ever wanted to be,'” the former leading man recalled. He responded to the situation with “maybe the most honest prayer” he’d ever said and asked to be saved from himself.
Ben spilled all the ups and downs of his life in his new book. Keep scrolling to see the biggest bombshells!
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