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Move over, Chrissy Teigen! We have a new favorite social media star. Laura Perlongo, a.k.a. Nev Schulman‘s wife, posts hilarious (and v relatable) commentary on her Instagram daily. Not one of her 227,000 followers? Well, you should be. The 33-year-old mama gets real about breastfeeding, selfies and her Catfish-hosting man. Keep scrolling for her best quotes and prepare to literally LOL.
April9, 2019: “Honestly, I’ve been trying SO HARD not to post cliche baby pics but today, after two + years in the game, it’s time to admit that I AM NOT MADE OF STONEEEE OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH GAAAAHHHHHHH 😩😩😭😍😻😍”
February 17, 2019: “I have a lot of questions for fashion bloggers, like, where does the neti pot go? Do I tag the multivitamins? If I wear a lot of florals do I get a free vacation?”
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Courtesy of Laura Perlongo/Instagram
On Manicures …
February 6, 2019: “You’ve heard it once, you’ll hear it again … they really do grow so fast. Happy ONE MONTH birthday to my love, my light, my midnight blue manicure. You’re more than a nail color, you’re MY nail color. Forever, apparently. ILYSM (I guess) 🙂”
January 18, 2019: “Got caught up, am I too late for the 10-day challenge or whatever?”
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Courtesy of Laura Perlongo/Instagram
On Night Nurses …
January 15, 2019: “Night nurse said my baby eats too much, my toddler wakes too early and I cry too often. Fired the night nurse. Haven’t cried since.”
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Courtesy of Laura Perlongo/Instagram
On Family Functions …
January 2, 2019: “I don’t usually do resolutions but this year I’m definitely tryna drink more and spend less time with family.”
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Courtesy of Laura Perlongo/Instagram
On (Overpriced) Pics With Santa …
December 13, 2018: ‘Tell the kids they each get 15 seconds, one wish, no questions about the beard. Photos $179.99 does not include digital.’
December 6, 2018: “Excited for new baby but LOOK AT CLEO IN MEXICO. Two months old. Our dumb lil newbie faces. Nothing could be better than us stompin’ round the world one-on-one … but maybe? I’m cryin. 2nd time moms, u good?”
November 29, 2018: “‘You got TIME TO LEAN, you got TIME TO CLEAN’ was the goin motto since forever. And i wouldn’t trade that work ethic for nothin (thank you parents & Dairy Queen) but it has a few pitfalls. Sometimes you GOTTA LEAN MANNNN. As a city-hustle toddler-parent control freak married to another city-hustle toddler-parent control freak we sometimes (read: usually) forget to look each other in the face. Or stare at a wall. Or just stop scheduling and planning and thinking for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. It’s insane. Gotta remind my future self to be still once in awhile. Reflect. Appreciate. Each other and ourselves and our planet. Everybody says it n im like ‘yeah not super into inspirational quotes’ but imma go ahead n tell myself to stop being such a cynical asshole. N to all the other busy jerks out there, you’re my people. I love you. Take a whole weekend if you can. Or just a night to play scrabble. Whatever. PUT THE SCREENS DOWN (that’s for my future self mostly) Woke up back home today recharged and reconnected with myself, my best friend and my babies. Thank god for grandmas and caretakers and whoever can help us take the time. Sending you all the thanks. Magic takes a village n that’s the only truth.”
