After what felt like a very long wait, Season 22 of The Bachelor finally premiered on Jan. 1 — and it was jam-packed with awesomeness! To help us sort through each episode's most interesting (and dramatic) moments, we've enlisted Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, and Bachelor Pad alum Chris Bukowski to write a recap and help us stay up to speed on who went home each week. After all, he did compete alongside new suitor Arie Luyendyk Jr. for Emily Maynard's heart back in 2012, which gives him some serious insider knowledge. Read below for his thoughts on the latest episode!
Episode 4 (Jan. 22)
We found out at the beginning of the episode that the remaining 15 women were leaving LA to travel all over the world on this journey to find love — but first, a stop in Lake Tahoe. All the girls were super pumped up to find out about their first trip, even though none of them could point out the location on a map. Except for maybe Bekah M., since she just recently graduated high school.
The first solo date went to Seinne, who is way too well-rounded to be on this show. Someone needs to introduce her to Ben Higgins or something and just get it over with already. Arie took Sienne out on the lake to go parasailing, while the other contestants jealously watched from their deck with binoculars.
Arie and Seinne. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
There wasn’t a whole lot of chemistry between them — it was more of a question-and-answer-type date, and you could tell the conversation didn’t flow organically. However, they did share a super slow-mo kiss, which was pretty weird. He ended up giving her a rose during the dinner portion, and then took her to a concert with another band no one has ever heard of. I still think I had the best private concert on my season... Luke Bryan, anyone? The entire audience had their cell phones pointed at the pair, and people wonder how Reality Steve gets his spoilers!
Back at the cabin, we listened to a phone call between Maquel and her mother, who sadly revealed that her grandfather had died the day before. She packed up her stuff and left, though it remains unclear whether she plans to come back.
The next date card named Chelsea, Krystal, Marikh, Ashley, Jacqueline, Jenna, Raven 2.0 (aka Tia), Kendall, Lauren B., Brittany, Caroline, and Becca K., which means Bekah M. was granted the second one-on-one date.
The adventurous outing started off with a survivalist couple passing out water bottles and asking the women to pee in them. Arie pretended to drink his own urine, which Jacqueline almost did in an effort to get attention. For a little extra fun, some of the ladies ate worms… which was totally beneath Krystal, if you can believe it.
The girls then split up into teams and were given a map, which Bekah M. drew for them back at the hotel with her crayons. It led to a hot tub, who woulda thought, and we were forced sit through a lengthy interview with Krystal, which I assume most of America put on mute. During the evening portion of the group date, the fitness coach continued to suck the life out of the room.
Arie of course made out with pretty much the whole group, and I don’t know if it’s just me, but those kissing scenes are becoming excruciating to watch. I’m having Josh Murray/Amanda Stanton Paradise flashbacks with all these noises.
Side note: Chelsea did a killer impression of Krystal, which you need to Google right now. The annoyingly high-pitched blonde complained about Raven 2.0 and Caroline being rude to her in the hot tub, and tried to make Arie believe that all of the other women were attacking her.
After pulling Raven 2.0 and Caroline aside to let them know that her feelings were hurt earlier in the day, Raven 2.0 basically laughed at her before walking away. The Arkansan ended up getting the group date rose, despite Krystal's attempts to undermine her (because that always works out).
In what felt like the fifth hour of the show, Bekah M. finally went on a one-on-one after her mom signed a permission slip. They rode some horses, swapped some spit, and lounged in a classic Bachelor barrel hot tub.
Arie and Bekah. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
At dinner, Bekah ended up telling Arie that she's only 22. You’d never know it, because she looks 23. He was a little taken aback by the 14-year age difference, which is unfortunate because Bekah is clearly more emotionally mature than Krystal, who happens to be 29. Also, interesting to note that Bekah was 16 when Arie was 30 and on The Bachelorette with Emily. Good times.
Arie kept telling her over and over, “I don’t think you’re ready [to settle down]," which was a load of crap. But despite his concerns, he gave her the rose anyway. This will not last, let’s be honest. She’ll have an amazing time in Paradise though.
We learned there would not be a cocktail party, and the women headed straight into the rose ceremony. As Arie grabbed the first rose, Krystal interrupted and asked to have a moment alone with him (I’ve done this a few times before). I wish I could tell you what she said, but the mumbling was just too incoherent.
So, who went home on The Bachelor last night?
Arie ended up keeping Krystal, and eliminating Caroline and Brittany. Brittany’s elimination was to be expected, but his decision to get rid of Caroline was a huge mistake in my opinion.
This episode really made me reevaluate my Top 4, mostly because of how Raven 2.0 held her own against Krystal and really stepped it up. I’m gonna keep it at a Top 2 for now, because I don’t feel like there are enough strong contenders at the moment. I still need to see more from some of the women in the background, like Becca K., Jenna, and Jacqueline.
With that being said, my current Top 2 are Raven 2.0 and Lauren B. Here's hoping the ringing in my ears from Krystal's voice won't stick around much longer. Until next week...
Episode 3 (Jan. 15)
Episode 3... here we go. We first see the ladies lying around and snuggling with each other on the couch like they’ve been best friends since childhood. A group date card was handed out with Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B., Raven 2.0 (aka Tia), Marikh, Bekah M., Bibiana, and Krystal's names on it. I’ve got to say, it was really shocking to see that Bibiana and Krystal were picked to go on the same group date.
The ladies were told they'd be competing in a wrestling match appropriately titled GLOB (Gorgeous Ladies of The Bachelor), playing off the hit ‘80s show GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling). Two original GLOW members came out to teach the girls how to fake wrestle, and let’s just say, things got awkward from here on out.
Raven 2.0 and Bibiana were not feeling this challenge, or the washed up coaches they were forced to deal with. One of the women made fun of Bibiana’s name, while the other pulled on Raven 2.0’s ponytail aggressively. Both girls walked out of the ring in tears over the way Blanche and Madge had treated them (not their actual names, but I'm probably not that far off).
Arie and Tia. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Before the matches began, the girls got dressed up backstage, and once again, bras weren’t a part of their wardrobes. All the outfits were disgusting, and not the least bit funny or attractive. Some pathetic wrestling matches ensued, which looked more like the beginning of low budget pornos than episodes of GLOW. It was nice to see the ladies give the challenge 22%, but I think this date will be forgotten quickly.
As if the beginning part wasn’t trashy enough, Arie took them to a trailer park later that evening. Krystal stole Arie away first (SHOCKING), and is still highly annoying in case you were wondering. The two talked about nothing with substance before making out, and thankfully, Lauren B. came along to interrupt.
Bibiana got time with Arie next, and did what all smart Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants do: smack talk another person on the date. While they spoke, Krystal returned to the group with that nauseating voice of hers. She was received with nothing but eye rolls since no one is buying the bulls--t she's selling. The group date rose went to Bekah, which didn't come as much of a surprise given that she straddled Arie in a trailer and the two made out for approximately eleven billion hours.
Bekah looking determined. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Lauren S. got the one-on-one date. Bravo to the producers for making it seem like she had a brain in the first two episodes, because this chick clearly has a screw loose. The date card read, “You had me at merlot,” and a very astute Lauren guessed that they were probably going to do something with wine. A+, sweetie. The two had a very compelling conversation and discussed sleep for most of the date at an unheard of Napa vineyard. For the evening portion, they of course had dinner in an oversized building. What is it with ABC and these grandeur locations?
Lauren talked about her ex, which all men love, and would not let Arie get a word in. The girl started chatting about an eye infection her mother had once, for crying out loud! Arie clearly wasn't digging it, and admitted that he couldn’t give her a rose. THANK GOD. Unfortunately, this means I must amend my final four. When Lauren’s suitcase was removed from the mansion, Krystal took the opportunity to lecture the rest of the women on just how serious this experience is. Caroline was clearly annoyed with her condescending tone, and walked out of the room like a champ.
The second group date was all about bitches — dogs, that is. Chelsea, Jenna, Caroline, Annaliese, Becca K., Ashley, and Brittany T. were lucky enough to get this outing over the GLOB nonsense.
For anyone who doesn’t remember, last week’s group date was traumatizing for Annaliese because of a bumper car incident she experienced as a child. If you can believe it, Annaliese also had a traumatic incident with a dog when she was younger, which made this date, during which she was forced to play with adorable pups, extremely difficult for her.
(Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Later in the day, the girls had to put on a show with the pooches for an audience of children. None of the dogs were cooperating, but I wouldn’t do anything these women were telling me either. Annaliese’s true colors came to light in this episode as she appeared desperate during the cocktail hour of the date. There was an extremely awkward moment with Annaliese and Arie when Chelsea asked if she could interrupt their convo and the man basically yelled, “YES PLEASE.” He was clearly miserable talking to her, and for good reason. The group date rose went to Chelsea, his rescuer from small talk hell.
During the cocktail party back at the mansion, Bibiana set up a date on the driveway, featuring a bed, a telescope, and lots of candles. Her plan didn’t pan out the way she wanted as Arie stumbled on the romantic setting with Lauren B., and they ended up making out on her spot. Bibiana walked up to interrupt her own date, essentially, and Arie asked her for five more minutes with Lauren. It was one of the most awkward moments I have ever seen on this franchise. For some reason, Arie kept bringing different women to the bed before Bibiana even got to claim the setup as her own. This girl just can’t catch a break.
But just when I thought things couldn’t get anymore uncomfortable, Arie denied Annaliese a kiss when she flat-out asked him for one. Amazing to watch, but horrible for her. Instead of telling her the truth, Arie said, “We’re just not there yet.” I wish he would've just admitted then and there that he didn’t like her. Now this woman is going to have another traumatizing experience to add to her list of ridiculousness.
Clearly, Annaliese couldn’t wait to get sent home during the rose ceremony, since she sought out Arie a second time to find out why he wouldn't kiss her. He admitted that he didn’t see a future between them, and walked her out before the rose ceremony.
Annaliese keeping a safe distance from the terrifying dogs. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Bibiana was the only woman sent home later in the night. I was hoping for an epic moment where she told Arie about her romantic setup that he walked all over, but she stayed silent.
Two of my final four left the show tonight, so I’m having to include two women I really don't want to. I’m keeping Caroline and Lauren B., while angrily adding Krystal and Chelsea. I have never wanted to be so wrong in my life, but my gut tells me they make it far. Until next time, folks.
Episode 2 (Jan. 8)
Tonight, on the most dramatic Bachelor recap ever… Becca K. got the first one-on-one date with Arie, and if you can believe it, Chelsea was pissed. All the little elves came out of the mansion to watch Becca ride off on a motorcycle with their man, which was a little awkward. While Arie and Becca enjoyed the experience, we got a glimpse of Krystal’s personality back at the mansion. Apparently, everyone Krystal knows has lost limbs on motorcycles, and it wouldn’t have been a great fit for her because it’s just too dangerous.
Arie surprised Becca with celebrity stylist and designer Rachel Zoe, who has more personality than 75% of the women back at the mansion, and that’s saying something. My boy should have been given a fantasy suite after this date — I think he deserved it after gifting Becca with multiple designer dresses, Neil Lane jewelry, and Louboutin pumps. Props. I guess he had to settle for a couple of make-out sessions.
When Becca got back home, she was flooded with fake excitement from 20 women who wanted nothing more than to murder her with those spiky ass shoes. Plus, the date wasn’t over — she got to go out to dinner with our Bachelor, wearing a dress that complimented Arie’s hair. Becca opened up about her father passing away from brain cancer, and the two really seemed to have a good connection. Arie gave her the date rose in addition to another make-out session, which for some reason included a confetti cannon?
The girls were shocked, as was I, to learn that there would be another one-on-one date. Krystal received the honor this time around, and I was upset that I had to listen to her voice more than I was expecting to this episode. Arie pulled out all of the stops on these first few dates, taking Krystal on a private plane. I was stunned she climbed aboard, since planes can crash and stuff. Seriously traumatizing.
Arie took her to Scottsdale to see his hometown, and her voice became more nauseating as the minutes went by. After showing her the Pizza Hut he used to work at (yawn), his high school (yawn), and some willow trees (extra yawn), he took Krystal to his house. The place looked like it was totally empty a day before, and that a stager from the Fairfield Inn came by to fill it with tacky pillows and square furniture. I’m not saying it’s not his house, I’m just saying...you know...it’s not.
Of course, Krystal was then taken to Arie’s parents' home to meet them. What a dream come true. The family sat around a coffee table with what I believe was the second cheese plate of the episode. There was some boring conversation, which Krystal brightened up with “Oh my gosh!” and “Wowwwww." You could really feel the connection. Like trying to steal your neighbor's wifi from the apartment next door “connection.”
Krystal and Arie on Night 1. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
I think you can get a sense of a woman’s character by how long she holds the “u” when she says “Thank You.” With that said, I can conclude that Krystal has the personality of a wet mop, because the girl holds her “u” like a freaking Kardashian: “Oh my gosh, thank youuuuu.”
I wish I could tell you guys what they talked about during the dinner portion of their date, but I had to mute it. You understand. He did end up giving her a rose, which wasn’t a huge shock. He seems to like women who talk like college freshmen. Some singer no one has ever heard of sang for them as they danced forehead to forehead. It was magical, you guys. After the dance, Arie drove Krystal to CVS to pick up some orange juice and Mucinex. At least, that’s what I hope happened.
Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G., Kendall, Bekah, Jenny, Seinne, Caroline, Brittany, Jenna, Bibiana, and Chelsea were all selected for this episode's group date. Most of the girls were pissed over a 15-person date, but I can promise you that Arie wasn’t complaining.
When the gaggle of girls got to their destination, Arie was doing donuts in a muddy arena, and announced they would be partaking in a demolition derby. The girls got to spray paint their own cars and then drove around hitting trash cans. Thanks for helping to keep the "women are bad drivers" stereotype alive, ABC.
Annaliese and Arie. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Annaliese started crying for no reason before the derby even began, and we found out it's because she had a traumatic bumper car incident when she was little. Maybe she and Krystal can form some sort of therapy group after they leave The Bachelor. The ladies suited up, put their helmets on, and got strapped in.
I’m not sure why this group date was called a demolition derby — it looked like any Sephora parking lot to me. Seinne ended up winning the race, with Raven 2.0 (aka Tia) coming in second. Brittany didn’t attend the later portion of the date because she wasn’t feeling well. I would have called out sick too, Britt.
Chelsea was the first to steal Arie away in a shocking move. Arie described her as “mysterious” in the first episode, and she repeated that about a thousand times in the second ep. She also continued to play the mom card, which a lot of the ladies seem to be getting sick of. Chelsea thinks that comparing herself to Emily Maynard (you know, the woman who broke his heart) will work in her favor.
Bibiana got super sassy over not getting any time with Arie, and started crying before storming off. If there’s a surefire way to win a guy’s heart it’s to overreact, shed tears, and slam doors. Meanwhile, Arie made out with Bekah (who is 22, by the way) to some super creepy porno music. Seinne got the group date rose, though Arie’s speech initially gave the impression that it was going to be Chelsea's.
(Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Back at the mansion, Arie checked in with Brittany at the beginning of the cocktail party to make sure she was feeling okay after the demolition derby, and presented her with a “Most Hardcore” award. After binging iCarly episodes upstairs, Bekah came down for another make-out session.
Krystal, despite already having a rose, stole Arie away from Lauren B. The girls were understandably upset, as were viewers over having to hear that voice again. The Mucinex just isn’t working... it's time for someone to blow the Ricola horn. I think Krystal just topped Chelsea as the most insufferable woman in the house.
Bibiana finally got her time with Arie, and Krystal came out yet again to try and steal him away. Thankfully, that firecracker stood her ground and said no. I give major props to Bibiana for calling out Krystal's “fake tone” and how rude she was for stealing Arie away twice, despite being safe from elimination. Shortly after the ladies had their tense conversation, it was time for the rose ceremony.
Jenny, Valerie, and Lauren G. were sent packing. Jenny walked straight out of the room without hugging Arie goodbye, and refused to put her arms around him when he chased after her for a hug. She then admitted she was sad to be leaving her friends, not him. Mad respect, Jenny. Your FabFitFun boxes will be in the mail soon, so don’t fret.
Jenny (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
My final four predictions from last week are still in play (Lauren B, Lauren S., Annaliese, and Caroline). After this episode, I’m not confident any of these ladies will make it to the end. Annaliese’s bumper car breakdown didn’t do her any favors, and the other ladies didn’t nab as much screen time as others. I unfortunately think Krystal might weasel her way into the final four over Annaliese. Until next time...
Episode 1 (Jan. 1)
Alright, Bachelor Nation — here we go. Another year, another man making terrible decisions that will alter his entire life. I’ve known Arie for over five years now, as we were both contestants on Emily’s season of The Bachelorette in 2012. He’s a great dude, and is definitely there for the right reasons, but I’m expecting some serious mistakes over the next few weeks. It’s just how things go with this process, no matter how great of a guy you may be. Let’s get this recap started and kick off Season 22 of The Bachelor, shall we?
Watching those Emily flashbacks are brutal. You could tell Arie was all in with her, and his heartbreak was felt by all of us. I’m really hoping things work out this time around, because it would be tough to see my boy go through that again, and I’m not sure the viewers could handle it either.
Here come Sean and Catherine [Lowe]. I was wondering who would be showing up from the past to coach Arie through this uncoachable journey...
Now it’s time to meet these future Flat Tummy Tea saleswomen. By the way, what’s the over-under on racing puns this season? First out of the limo is Caroline, our fellow realtor. The girls definitely came out to play tonight. I see some potential with these two, and I appreciate a girl who comes out of the gate without a gimmick. Chelsea is next up, and I’m not seeing a huge future here ... she’s rather forgettable. Third out is our taxidermy weirdo, Kendall. Thank God she didn’t bring some stuffed koala with her.
Hellloooooo Sienne! This girl is stunning and well-spoken, and kudos on those elephant cufflinks. I’m definitely feeling final four potential with this girl. Raven 2.0 is out fifth, and did she really hand Arie a little weiner? Moving on...
Bibiana is coming in hot with the first pun of the night. Unfortunately, I don’t see this girl making it further than a few weeks. Sports reporter Bri is out next, and although she’s super hot, telling a guy you’re impressed he can catch a ball is a little odd.
ABC blew over Jenny, so I will too. Brittane J. is next to come out, and I’m always curious why beautiful women feel the need to pile on make-up. She even joked about not putting a bumper sticker on a Ferrari ... it’s the same thing, Britt. Jacqueline is next, and unfortunately forgettable.
Brittane J. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Krystal was one of the few ladies with an intro in the beginning of the episode, and for good reason. I was really feeling a final four vibe from her until she told Arie to close his eyes and delivered that ridiculous speech. I think he might have enjoyed it, though…
Nysha was blown over as well, but I think we need to applaud her for not toppling over... if you know what I mean. Now that the room is filling up, Captain Obvious (aka Chelsea) makes the astute observation that women keep entering the room. Thank you, Chelsea, I wasn’t really sure which show I was watching.
Here comes Valerie looking like a wannabe Princess Belle, followed by Bekah in a killer vintage Mustang. Thank you Bekah for taking our eyes off that monstrosity of a dress. I’m not sure if these two will have a romantic connection, but there’s definitely a Twitter friendship there in the future.
Jenna is up next, and I can’t stop staring at that overly-dramatic eyebrow. That girl puts Jim Carrey to shame. Jessica the “television host” steps out and brought a… rock? Moving on…
I’m feeling Marikh a little bit, but also have a sneaky feeling the other girls aren’t going to like her as much. Olivia follows Marikh, and I honestly cannot remember anything about her, so let's move on. Becca K. pops out, and she’s the type of woman who thinks she's funnier than she actually is.
Lauren S. enters next and seems to be the most authentic so far. I’m looking forward to seeing more from her. The second Lauren (J.) follows in a killer white dress and appears to be extremely well-rounded, so I guess she won’t be getting much camera time.
Lauren S. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Oh great, here comes another Lauren (B.). I really can’t complain, they keep getting hotter as those limo doors open. Enter Lauren (G.) number four. You’re so funny, ABC.
We haven’t had any racing references in a while... oh wait, there’s Ashley with a checkered flag. Thank God Arie isn’t feeling these racing jokes either. Brittany T. is next, and seems totally oblivious that this is her first and last night. Poor thing.
Arie seems REALLY impressed by Amber and her spray-tan company, I can’t blame him, it’s super captivating. Some of these women are getting a little bit exhausting, so let’s move past Ali and her pathetic pit-stop joke.
Annaliese hops out next and I wish she wasn’t wearing that mask — I feel like something good is hiding under there. Arie kept touching her, for anyone who didn’t notice, so that’s a sign of things to come for these two.
And here comes Maquel. Maquel, Maquel, Maquel. Let’s just keep rewinding and watching that hair toss in slow motion, shall we? I’m getting a Lauren Bushnell vibe from this girl, and I’m not mad about it.
Maquel (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
While all these women sit around and make fairly obvious observations to one another, I’m gonna pick my recipient for the first impression rose. I think Lauren S. and Annaliese have some serious potential.
It’s time for Arie to mingle, and for the girls to pretend they’re going to be lifelong friends. Crazy-eyebrowed Jenna gave him a pedicure, some forgettable girl stole the first kiss, taxidermy lady played a song, Chelsea continued to act crazy, and Chris Harrison finally entered with the first impression rose. The first impression rose is crucial — so many men and women who nabbed that honor made it to the final four, and several even ended up winning the whole thing. Case in point, Kaitlyn gave hers to Shawn B., and JoJo gave hers to Jordan.
Now, let’s discuss that kiss between Arie and psycho-Chelsea. Are you kidding me, bro? This girl has bats--t written all over her. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Why do I have a terrible feeling he’s going to give her his first impression rose? Boy was I wrong about her being forgettable.
Arie and Chelsea (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Lord have mercy. “Chelsea, will you accept this rose?” will go down in history as one of the most disappointing things ever uttered on the franchise. As aggravating as this is, I think we can all agree Chelsea has no shot at making it to the final four. She will definitely be the Olivia Caridi or Kelsey Poe of this season.
After the anticlimactic rose ceremony, we lost Amber, Jessica, Brittane J., Ali, Bri, Lauren J., Nysha, and Olivia. No shockers there, and I agree with every one of these eliminations. It’s a shame he couldn’t send home more.
So now, it’s time for me to make my predictions for the final four. I’m sure these will change week to week as we’re just getting to know these girls, but for now, my money's on Caroline, Lauren S., Lauren B., and Annaliese.
I can’t wait to see where this season goes from here — all this Chelsea nonsense is going to make for a fantastic first few weeks. Let the claws come out, the Instagram followings rise, and Paradise petitions begin.
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This post has been edited for length and clarity.