Buckle up, kids. This is going to be a wild ride. On January 22, Ariana Grande took to Instagram to release the full track list for her upcoming album, Thank U, Next. As it stands, we’ve already had the pleasure of listening to (and falling in love with) “Imagine,” “7 Rings” and of course, “Thank U, Next.” That said, there was one song on the list that stopped us dead in our tracks: “Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored.”
Ummm, who gave Ari, 25, permission to toy with our emotions like this? Did she honestly think we were going to sit around and wait until the album dropped? We love you, girl, but we had to take this investigation into our own hands. If you’re like us, and can’t possibly wait for February 8 to figure out who this song is about… keep on reading.
In matters such as these, process of elimination is key. Permitting that the subject of this song is someone that the singer has already dated, we have a few options: Graham Phillips, Jordan Viscomi, Jai Brooks, Nathan Sykes, Big Sean and Ricky Alvarez. Unsurprisingly, we’re striking her ex-fiancé, Pete Davidson, from the list.
After doing a quick social media search, Graham, 25, Nathan, 25, and Ricky, 30, are all single. Thusly, having no girlfriend to break up with. Side note: Jordan, 25, isn’t on social media. Jai, 23, and Big Sean, 30, however, are both in relationships: Jai with a stunning gal named Allegra Rotella and Sean with fellow singer Jhené Aiko. Boom! We have our two suspects locked and loaded. Here’s the thing about Jai, though. Who is he? No offense, but Ari definitely doesn’t still want to, er, hang out with him.
Which brings us to Big Sean. Ari and the “Blessings” rapper dated back in 2015 for about eight months. Their split at the time seemed totally amicable. So much so, that three years later, the 26-year-old wrote that Sean could “still get it” in her ex-boyfriend pseudo-burn book featured in the ever-iconic “Thank U, Next” music video.
Despite the fact that Sean and Jhené, 30, have seemingly broken up, the couple got together in 2016 … giving Ari plenty of time to hope that they’d break up. Of course, we can’t be certain of any this. It’s entirely possible that she wrote the track about some rando A-lister like Prince Harry or Zayn Malik. Oh, s–t, those are pretty solid suspects, too. No, no, Big Sean is our final answer. Thank you, next.