Ask Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi about her pregnancy, and she’ll get very honest with you.
During her latest podcast, Naturally Nicole, the Jersey Shore alum and mom of nearly 2-year-old son Lorenzo doesn’t hold back from revealing just how awful it’s been for her the second time around.
We’d be here all day if we tried to fit every amazing quote in one article, so we’ve decided to list them for easy reading — and include a few hilarious Snooki reaction GIFs.
On the second pregnancy: “It sucks. I mean it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a miracle, yes. A baby, yay. But just the whole process—it’s annoying. It’s irritating—it’s pregnancy!”
Taking the TMI Route: “The farts and the peeing and the gas and feeling bloated and fat…”
Being Pregnant With Lorenzo > Being Pregnant With Her Unborn Daughter: “I have to say this pregnancy is totally different than my first pregnancy with Lorenzo because Lorenzo I feel he didn’t really kick as much and I wasn’t really that grumpy. The only thing I didn’t like with Lorenzo’s pregnancy was that I didn’t work out. I just ate whatever I wanted. I was a couch potato. I gained 50 pounds.”
Too. Graphic. Make. It. Stop.: “Having a girl is so much more annoying and worse. With this girl, I just feel she kicks 20 times more than Lorenzo ever did and sometimes it hurts and I’m like, ‘Dude you’re kicking my rib.’ I feel like my skin’s going to pop out and her foot’s going to come out, so as of right now, she kicks 24-7. I feel it all the time and sometimes it hurts and I don’t like pain, so I’m like, ‘Stop that.’”
Here’s How You Put “Baby” and “B–chy” in the Same Sentence: “She just makes me so b–chy. I’m a b–chy person to begin with, like, I’m sarcastic. I’ll tell you how it is. I’ll say what’s on my mind all the time. But this pregnancy puts that times 100. Like I am an evil b–ch right now.”
She Has Murder on the Brain. Next Stop: Guest Stint on ‘Orange is the New Black’?: “Jionni [her fiancé] is like, ‘You’re so nasty. Why are you saying these things?’ I literally say anything that’s on my mind that I normally wouldn’t say and that’s really, really bad stuff. I think bad things in my head about people. And I’m like, ‘Why am I thinking like this?’ I feel like an evil witch…I sometimes just wake up and I want to kill everyone and that’s not a nice feeling.”
And the Complaining Continues: “I’m also having these awful, awful cramps. I drink so much [water] that I don’t understand why I’m having these horrible cramps all the time. I wake up in the morning and I’ll stretch my legs or I’ll stretch my body and all of the sudden, I’ll get this horrible cramp in my calf and I can’t move and I’m screaming and I’m about to cry. It’s an awful way to wake up. I don’t want to wake up with a damn Charlie horse in my calf.”
Well, There’s Another Visual for Ya: “If anybody cares about this, I’m starting not to see my vagina. My belly is getting bigger and the baby is getting bigger and I mean, once you start to not see your vagina, you’re kind of at the end of your pregnancy.”
Let’s End on a Happy Note, Shall We?…No? OK, Then: “The last thing with this pregnancy—I mean, I have really, really bad dreams. These dreams are like aliens and ghosts and I feel like I’m getting abducted or I’m a demon or a demon is trying to get me. It’s like really scary sh-t. This baby girl is killing me. She is literally rotting me away. She’s freaking me out and I know I’m going to get in trouble when she gets older because I know she’s going to have an attitude because I have the worst attitude right now. I know she’s going to have a huge imagination because I am dreaming of aliens and ghosts and zombies and anything you can think of, I am dreaming about it.”
So Snooki doesn’t like pregnancy, huh?