If you’re anything like us, the movie She’s The Man brings up nostalgic feelings of wanting to be Amanda Bynes, and wanting to marry Channing Tatum. Sadly, the film brings back much darker memories for the actress, who admitted in a new interview with Paper magazine on Nov. 26 that she was seriously depressed after seeing herself dressed as a boy in the hit film.

For the uninitiated, She’s The Man was a modern spin on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, in which Amanda poses as her brother and hides the fact that she’s really a girl from her hunky roommate, played by Channing. It doesn’t take long for Amanda’s character, Viola, to fall for Channing’s character, Duke. However, he had already fallen for another girl, Olivia, who was crushing on Viola, but only because she thought she was her twin, Sebastian! The whole ordeal was hilarious, heartfelt, and brilliant. But sadly, the film’s requirement that Amanda wear drag most of the time took a toll on her.

“[It was] an interesting experience,” said Amanda. “When the movie came out and I saw it, I went into a deep depression for four to six months because I didn’t like how I looked when I was a boy.” She’s kept that insecurity a secret for years, admitting she’s “never told anyone that.” She said seeing herself with short hair and no makeup was “a super strange and out-of-body experience. It just really put me into a funk.”

While the memory wasn’t a great one for Amanda, it basically launched Channing’s career, and that’s all thanks to Amanda. “I totally fought for Channing [to get cast in] that movie, because he wasn’t famous yet,” she revealed. “He’d just done a Mountain Dew commercial, and I was like, ‘This guy’s a star — every girl will love him!’ But [the producers] were like, ‘He’s so much older than all of you!’ And I was like, ‘It doesn’t matter! Trust me!'” She was 100% right about that.

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Luckily, Amanda was much happier with the next film she did — the remake of Hairspray, in which she played bestie Penny Pingleton in 2007. “That movie to this day was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had on a set,” she said of getting to sing and dance alongside Zac Efron and John Travolta.

In the new interview, Amanda was very open about the dark path she took following these successes, admitting that she was addicted to Adderall and tried cocaine several times. “Later on it progressed to doing molly and ecstasy,” she said after admitting to using weed when she was younger. “[I tried] cocaine three times but I never got high from cocaine. I never liked it. It was never my drug of choice. I definitely abused Adderall.” Luckily, she sounds much happier and healthier now! Congratulations, Amanda!