Welcome to Life & Style’s weekly recap of ‘s season of  with fan-favorite, ! Jordan rose to fame as the gold speedo-clad “pensive gentleman” on ‘s season of , and continued to capture fans’ hearts on seasons 5 and 6 of Each week, he’ll be spilling his (very) honest thoughts and opinions on Peter, his contestants, and all of the drama that goes down in season 24 exclusively here at Life & Style!

OK, Bachelor Nation … Episode two is on wheels and we are rolling downhill with no brakes! Pete is crying and Hannah B. actually seems like she wants Pete to end the season and choose her. I just don’t buy this!

The Group Date Is Over

Pete pulls the ladies aside [after his lengthy chat with Hannah] and the first word he says is literally “awkward.” So is he in love, or over it? Why such a basket of mixed emotions? If you know what you want then it’s simple, Pete. He’s back and forth so much with Hannah and that’s no way to start a relationship.

Pete cancels the second group date, and I’m officially asking Pete: what are you doing here? I need another Aboslut Elyx martini. But wait — there’s still a cocktail hour, and look at the copper drinkware! Woah. Pete with facial hair is like me with the Snapchat baby filter and my beard showing through, haha! Oh boy.

Anyway, back to the show … Pete says Hannah B. is in the past, and you can see that he’s thinking about Hannah B. when he says it. Dead serious, bro to bro, I see it.

Mykenna is probably the villain, by the way. Just an update on my villain search. She and Pete don’t have chemistry, but they’re practically dry humping, so there’s that. Sydney gets the  (canceled) group date rose, and it’s in this moment that Mykenna realizes that hotline don’t bling.

Random thought here but can we start casting girls with new names … or from anywhere but Alabama? A suggestion box needs to be implemented!

Meanwhile, Tammy is still drunk.

Let the Cocktail Party Drama Begin

The cocktail party starts off with Pete talking about Hannah B. Ughhhhhh, can we please cut it out? Who is Lexi, by the way? Where’d she come from?! Pete just pulled her, so let’s find out …

Oh right, the red convertible! Great, I recall saying Lexi is too dangerous for Pete, and I still stand by that.

Kelsey is dressed like she’s from outer space tonight, and just said a bottle of sparkling wine represents her heart, sooo … she’s cool with me. She calls Mykenna out, and I don’t know what to do with my hands. This is getting aggressive, someone say something funny already! OK, Kelsey is losing it — blast off in 5 … 4 … 3 … Mykenna, hurry! Crush her! Nope, Kelsey launched and burned Mykenna.

Sidenote: Victoria F. looks like a cheetah girl. Big throwback.

Madison and Pete are together again, and I’m sure Madison’s fan page will post a still shot of this moment and elaborate on how genuine Madison is with Pete … talk about ingenuity, LMAO!

Kelsey is so proud that she’s finally about to have Pete time and, oh my, Hannah Ann just popped the bottle. Yep, Hannah Ann just painted a huge target on her back, and I’m super into it. I’m actually laughing right now. Classic! Kelsey has been shot down outta the sky after that blast off with Mykenna.

Kelsey has a parade behind her, and here we go. Kelsey looked like she was going to call Hannah Ann out, but then walked away. Hannah Ann rules all right now … Better yet, it was all just a mixup and there was another bottle setup! Pete just poured one out for the homies on Kelsey’s face. Now Kelsey is getting shut down by Hannah Ann, who is winning again.

Let’s check back in with our girl Tammy: she just said her curls are falling out, and I swear I never saw one curl.

On to the Rose Ceremony

Here we are at the rose ceremony, and I’m assuming Hannah Ann will get one of the last roses just to drum up hype. Pete is really playing into this — Hannah Ann was just called, and accepted the rose, so let the fun continue. But Kelsey is still roseless! What’s happening here?

Some of these contestants haven’t said a word all night and got a rose but it’s all good, communication actually is second to being stolen anyway lol.

Kelsey received the last rose, and Courtney, Payton, and Lauren went home. Cheers to love, y’all. Except Kelsey turned down the toast, while Hannah Ann makes a great toast. So, now we have a rivalry.

The Next Group Date

We are going into the first group date of the second week now, and it’s a runway! But not for airplanes … for fashion! Hannah Ann and Mykenna will thrive today on this date, I’m calling it now. I’m two Dirty Martinis in, and I’m not mad about it.

The Revolve closet is on the line, and Mykenna says she’s in her element. But will she be outdone? Hannah Ann just kill’t the game, but Victoria F. did well too! And Victoria F’s second walk just beat everyone … was that lingerie?!

Hannah Ann and Victoria F. are called on by the judges as having done the best — good job ladies! It means so much to be recognized when you overcome the fear and let the person you are shine through. Now it’s a battle, but Hannah Ann takes the cake (and the Revolve closet) and Victoria F. just became a bad sport. Is Victoria F. going to send herself home? Does Kelsey go home too?! Let’s see.

Hannah Ann and Victoria on the Runway

The Group Date After Party

Victoria F. is a medical sales rep and crushed the runway, but got totally upset after losing. Pete is supporting her, and asking her to stay, but she’s still shut off. I’m not sure how this will end. She’s talking about the other girls and making lots of excuses, but it’s how she feels, and we can’t criticize that. It’s just tough to see someone not be confident when they’ve got all the tools to be absolutely confident. It’s not about winning, but about being the best you! I think Victoria F. just left, I can’t tell.

Hannah Ann is now referring to the Kelsey situation as the “champagne scandal” which is quite funny. Mykenna and Hannah Ann seem to vibe, and that makes sense. That actually makes me happy, I’m a fan of this collab. Kelsey just said she got validation, and I cringed.

Hannah Ann just pulled up for some one-on-one time with Pete, and I’m certain that Hannah ann will state how she feels about Kelsey. Pete just told Hannah Ann she looked great in a wedding dress, and followed it up with “not gonna lie.” Lol, um OK, real smooth guy.

Hannah is now talking about Kelsey during her one-on-one time, and Pete says he won’t put up with that. Let’s see if he tolerates Kelsey’s behavior toward Hannah Ann.

Peter Weber Ladies

Pete is talking to the ladies after the cocktail hour, and he could have more of a presence. Victoria F. gets the rose, so I guess she didn’t go home. Now Pete’s pulling Kelsey, and I’m assuming this will end badly. Kelsey will feel attacked. Pete immediately gives Kelsey his source, lol. Kelsey is not backing down and Pete is saying, “Hey, this isn’t OK, so like let’s either move on or go home.” Pete is contemplating and doesn’t know who to believe, so they go back in.

Kelsey walks off crying and I’m over it. She’s over it. Can we just pack this up, please?

Oh no the episode is over but the preview into next week is promising!

The Bachelor airs at 8 p.m. Monday nights on ABC. You can learn all about Pete , get to know his gorgeous contestants , and if you can’t wait till the end of the season, you can see all the . Check back weekly for all of Jordan Kimball’s Bachelor guest blogs!