We always get rewarded when we rewind old Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen videos, but today we’re feeling especially #blessed by one special guest star: Elizabeth Olsen. And even if you’re an MK & A superfan you may have missed the Olsens’ baby sister and, oh yeah, Marvel’s Scarlet Witch in The Case of Thorn Manor. Yup, the twins are roadblocked by Elizabeth in the first installment of The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley, but what shocks us is the majorly brutal “You can’t sit with us” move they pull on the child.
So to break down what actually happens, Mary-Kate and Ashley are about to take a bike ride to Transylvania and investigate a potential ghost sighting. They’re stopped by a mini-Olsen with impeccable bangs asking, “Can I come with you guys,” and it’s explained that it’s their little sister Lizzie. The twins are all like “lol no this is for sophisticated Private Eyes like us,” and Lizzie’s adorably like, “And what am I, chopped liver?”
Shouldn’t have asked that.
The girls come up with an explanation of why they don’t want her to come with, and they could’ve cut it off with, “We just rather you wouldn’t, OK?” Nope, they want to drive the point painfully home, saying they’d rather be “picked up by a twister,” “eat French fried garden snails,” “lose all our fingernails” and “bathe in a pool of slime.” Then they get to the chorus, which is “B-U-T-T out” accompanied by a very weak synth riff, I don’t like it at all.
Now you’d think that at this point the Olsens would have gotten tired of berating their 5-year-old sister. But before Elizabeth can protest, they lay it down thick legitimate SARCASM:
It’s not that you’re such a snot-nosed brat,
It’s not that you’re nosy,
It’s not that you rat
Are you sure it isn’t exactly that? (I’ll see myself out.) The girls say it’s because they care about her so much, but not like, on an emotional level. Eventually, the Olsens get tired of rapping and pedal out of there, leaving Elizabeth to make only stray cameos in some of their other properties. We know for sure that she plays some rando in The Case of the Mystery Cruise along with brother Trent Olsen, because these videos series are not known for long-term continuity.
Still, I have to wonder: why did Mom and Dad Olsen drag their youngest into this? Because from what I’m standing, that’s like 3 minutes of, “Screw you, Lizzie, we got a franchise to film. ” And yeah, the twins were already pretty cruel for pulling the whole human trafficking card in “Brother For Sale,” but Trent seemed like a first-class brat in the You’re Invited series. No doubt he can take it.
At the same time, maybe Lizzie had the last laugh. After a few auditions, Elizabeth Olsen went on an acting hiatus at the age of 10. In 2012, she revealed that it was because she interested in regular extracurriculars, sharing, “I wanted to do my after-school sports and dance instead.” Oh, so basically have a normal childhood. When she returned to the world of acting as an adult, she was able to embrace the spotlight in a very moderate way. Mary-Kate and Ashley, forced into the world of performance, vampirically shrink away from that spotlight. Maybe the girls really were doing Lizzie a favor when they told her to B-U-T-T out.
The snot-nosed brat comment still seems unnecessary, though.