Kinda feels like a guardian angel, doesn’t it? YouTuber Tana Mongeau took to her Instagram Stories to share some emotional thoughts about her late friend Mac Miller while driving by one of his murals on August 20. The 21-year-old vlogger has been vocal about her connection to the rapper since his passing in September 2018.

“[You] always show up when I feel like I need [you] the most,” she wrote on a superzoom video highlighting the seafoam green mural of the artist mixed with a mosaic of colors. “I miss [you] every single second. I can’t imagine a life where I won’t.”

Tana Mongeau Mac Miller

In the week following the 26-year-old’s passing, Tana posted an old text exchange she had with Mac that made fans question whether or not she was attempting to link herself to him romantically after his death. After quite a bit of fan backlash, she clarified her side of the story on the No Jumper podcast on September 14.

“It’s so hard and I should have thought that through more in the moment than posting something so out of context, but I grew up obsessed with Mac Miller,” she explained in the interview. “I remember being in 7th grade listening to ‘I’ll Be There’ on repeat obsessing over how much he loved his mom, and then being a freshman in high school listening to K.I.D.S. and ‘The Spins,’ and then waiting in line hours for his concerts. I was a f–king die-hard fan.”

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i love you Malcolm. i love you

A post shared by tanamongeau (@tanamongeau) on

She then revealed that she started hanging out with Mac back in June 2018, after she left a comment on his page and he, in turn, followed her back and messaged her first. The connection stemmed from her battle with depression after the TanaCon scandal put her in “canceled” territory for a while.

“It seemed like he was genuinely there and really really cared and it was the first thing to take me out of that depression. He was really really f–king there,” she continued, explaining she was upset because she felt the reports following Mac’s death dehumanized him. “In that moment, all I wanted was to like, humanize him. And show him how I saw him.”

In the interview, she made sure to reiterate she was not implying a romantic relationship with her post. She even cleared up any “affair” rumors that started swirling about Mac possibly cheating on Ariana Grande with Tana when he was dating the Sweetener singer.

“There’s no ‘affair’ or any of those crazy allegations,” she wrote at the time. “Just someone I spent all of my time for awhile lately consumed with talking to and loving — but I’m truly sorry if anything I said painted a different picture.”