Welcome to Life & Style’s weekly recap of ‘s season of  with fan-favorite, ! Jordan rose to fame as the gold speedo-clad “pensive gentleman” on ‘s season of , and continued to capture fans’ hearts on seasons 5 and 6 of Each week, he’ll be spilling his (very) honest thoughts and opinions on Peter, his contestants, and all of the drama that goes down in season 24 exclusively here at Life & Style!

The Return of Alayah!!!! Let’s do this!

Shipping Off to Cleveland, Ohio

The girls are under a blanket! And we have biscuits cookin’ baby!

Cleveland?!?! What’s this s–t? Pete looks tired y’all — no beauty sleep for the wicked! I love it when the girls travel. They’re all besties when they travel — until they divide up and get settled in, that is.

Let’s check in with the girls: I don’t like Madison … just gonna put that there, lol. Mykenna looks pensive. She feels invisible to Pete. Pete, step it up! Mykenna came all the way from Canada, ehhhhhh!

Pete and Victoria F’s One-on-One

Pete and Victoria F. have taken flight on their one-on-one, and it’s quite the adrenaline junkie’s dream! Who doesn’t love roller coasters?

Victoria F. is pretending to be shy, if you ask me. Even if you don’t ask me, I’m telling you! Pete never talks, dude, and Victoria F. wants four kids but Pete wants three. How do we feel about Victoria F. at this point? She just admitted she has a crush on Pete, but little does he know, they’re on the way to a private Chase Rice concert … but Victoria F. dated Chase Rice and he wrote a song with lyrics referring to her. Oh s–t, she’s in a pickle. Victoria F. for sure partied at Stage Coach. How awkward is this, guys? Now I know that I truly feel for Victoria F., but only so much. Lol I’m having a blast watching this in South Florida at my favorite spot, Salt 7. Y’all, these palm trees are looking better than this episode of The Bachelor!

Did production know about [Chase and Victoria]? Duh. Super awkward!!!! Awkward Alert! Victoria is very uncomfortable. She’s dancing, but also not moving. I need these moves for when I drink too much! Pete looks like he’s a little boy trying to open the refrigerator. You move so well, Pete!

Pete is a fan of Victoria F’s ex, but Pete’s the Bachelor, so that’s cool too. Pete obviously did not know about this, and I’m getting a rush. Who let Chase and Victoria F. talk alone?! Ohhhhhhh this is hot, hot, hot tea y’all. Chase isn’t cool with it either, according to his latest interview. Very good work, production team, but at a cost of such stomach-wrenching feels! Victoria F. is torn and Pete is on Cloud 9. Victoria F. just made history. This feels so wrong, so dirty, and not making good tv. Let Victoria F. have vulnerable moments with Pete, not her Ex. Ughhhhh.

Pete has no idea and his reaction is so sad… s–t. Now Pete says he feels weird! “So freaking weird,” actually lol. They didn’t even do Colton [Underwood] this bad. Btw, Colton has a book I think it’s coming out on sale. Not for sale, but on sale at $12.99. Like for sale and on sale simultaneously.

Anyway, Madison just laughed and I threw up my steak and mac. She’s so genuine. Genuine as ever. Group date coming up! Will all the women find out they’re dating the same guy?! S–t! Hahahaha!

This is good content! Here we are back to the one-on-one with Victoria F., and I bet that dress is from Revolve! Bet! Pete and Victoria are still at cruising altitude though — those darn commercial pilots, so smooth! They will be okay, or whatever Delta’s mission statement is, lmao. Y’all I’m actually laughing, no BS. Pete and Victoria exit the date, and there’s a musician playing the world’s biggest guitar! It’s leading up to the new spinoff! Woohhoooooo! I’m ready for Alayah to return and to find out all of the secrets between her and Victoria P.!

Time for a Football Group Date

Is Colton going to show up on this football date? Bring Jesse Palmer back!!! Victoria P. is too much, I’ve decided. It’s always something with her. Kick rocks.

This group date is odd. Pete, get to know the ladies, c’mon. Yeah, play some ball — the winners of the group date get to stay and probably fall asleep at the cocktail party! First Bachelor Bowl ever! It’s the Killer Bees vs the Eliminators. Why let these girls tackle each other? Just more evidence that I should’ve stayed on Paradise. Gray is not your color, Pete, and neither is football. I should’ve been the waterboy. I’d motivate these ladies like no other!

28 to 28, the score is tied — but is Pete’s heart?! I like the Killer Bees best. Madison is upset, and Natasha is being vocal … but only negatively vocal. Try to be spirited, girl! Sportsmanship! I’m over this. Actually. Are y’all … nevermind, you better be watching!

The Return of Alayah!

Alayah is back! Here we go, it’s about to get wild! Pete’s over it. Alayah has way too much sass coming in. Someone end her! Let her reign end! Now, Alayah is weighing in on Victoria’s side. The liar is lying, no surprise there — unless Victoria P. is lying … Oh my! Get a mop, this is a mess.

Pete is asking what Alayah’s doing here, and she has no valid answer. Tears are not validation. Now Victoria P. is addressing this issue. It’s back and forth, similar storyline to Caelynn and Hannah Beast. Will a Bachelorette come out of this?! I’d like to see Tia Booth be the Bachelorette, just sayin’. This ongoing bulls–t is exhausting me — I switched from champagne to vodka, to keep y’all tuned in. Join me. Pete hasn’t gotten to the bottom of anything. If this was anyone else, they would have the answers. Pete thinks he made a mistake with letting Alayah go, but we all disagree. 100 percent. Mykenna is officially all of us.

“Alayah will you accept this rose?” asks Pete. The end. Just kidding, there’s a long haul to go. Kelsey has things to say. JEEZE.

Kelsey and Pete’s One-on-One

Kelsey has a one-on-one, and this will be the most uninteresting event ever in the broadcasting of dating for sport.

More dancing and dull interviews. I’m tantalized, whatever that means. Kelsey is excited though, I think those go hand-in-hand. This date ended up being sweet, the little rolly cars are cool. Does Alayah deserve to be there, though? Be honest y’all.

Kelsey has serious moments and overall delivered on the date. Not an A+ but enough. She got the rose and is excited, and I find myself feeling happy for her, in a way — but not completely.

Fireworks emerge and the crowd applauds. I enjoyed this more than Madison’s one-on-one. We need a two-on-one soon. I look forward to it, you know I was a two-on-one guy. I survived. Love the idea, though.

Victoria F. and Alayah’s Showdown

Now we have Victoria F. calling Alayah out. Does this mean Victoria F. is the frontrunner? I like what Victoria F. has to say, though. Finish her!!!! Alayah must go!

Victoria P. is confused about why she is in this position, and Pete is just breaking her heart. Who will have Pete’s heart? Victoria P. or Alayah? Will it come to that? Thoughts? It must come to that. Yesssssss! Victoria F. and Victoria P., can we merge to take down Alayah?!

No rose ceremony, but Alayah already has one. So yeah.

Yo, Life & Style, thoughts? See y’all next week!

The Bachelor airs at 8 p.m. Monday nights on ABC. You can learn all about Pete , get to know his gorgeous contestants , and if you can’t wait till the end of the season, you can see all the . Check back weekly for all of Jordan Kimball’s Bachelor guest blogs!