Tips for How to Successfully Practice Self-Love

Take it from RuPaul: If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

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If finding “The One” feels out of reach, it may be time to take a step back and reexamine your own life first. “When we truly love and respect ourselves, we’re free from doubt and endless worry, so we trust our feelings and decisions,” Australian wellness coach Pia Scade says. “It allows us to be courageous and authentic.”Having a healthy relationship with yourself will make it much easier to find real happiness, true love and a deep connection with someone else. As Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author of Inner Bonding, says, “People who have learned to take responsibility for their happiness and well-being are people who have learned to fill themselves with love, which they then enjoy sharing with others.”

Here are some steps you can take to help get in touch with — and nurture — your authentic self.

Understand Your Relationship Needs

When you’re looking for love, it’s easy to get caught up trying to satisfy others’ needs. Take some time to think about what you want in a relationship — and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. “If you have not done the work of understanding yourself emotionally and sexually, you will enter romantic relationships from an emotionally dependent place,” says Jill P. Weber, Ph.D., author of Building Self-Esteem. “You may have the unrealistic hope that someone else will know how to understand you and make you happy — even when you, yourself, may not know.”

Confidence Is Key

Feeling good about yourself and developing a strong sense of self-confidence will translate to strength in your romantic relationships as well. “Positive self-esteem is critical to an individual’s mental health and ability to relate well to others,” couples therapist Dianne Grande, Ph.D., says. Think about how you treat yourself versus how you treat others. Are you as compassionate to yourself as you are to your loved ones? Do you advocate for yourself as much as you do for them? Treat yourself as lovingly as you would a dear friend. By doing so, you’re showing the world how you want to be treated.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

If you truly care about your own well-being and needs, others will, too. “Mutual respect is one of the core relationship-partner needs, and it’s something that is often overlooked in the dating process,” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach on E!’s Famously Single. How you treat yourself creates a template for how others can treat you.

Trust Your Gut

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The more in tune you are with yourself, the easier it will be to recognize “the One” — and weed out bad matches. “Your heart knows best,” life coach Susanna Newsonen advises. “You lived your life and fully experienced it, making you the best person to decide what to do next. Trust that you have all the knowledge and experience you need to make the decision that’s right for you.”