Decoding the Kardashians’ Non-Expressions, Because Those Frozen Faces Have Meaning

Kris Jenner: "Getting That 10%"

Kris' surgeries have left her rather tight-faced in recent years, but every once in a while she harnesses all her energy and bursts out what looks like is supposed to be an ecstatic expression. The reason? The infamous momager tends to pull out all the stops when she's surrounded by her cash cows — we mean, children. She's more illuminated when there's more of them in one space, like she's counting all the checks in her mind. And we're willing to bet that when she's flying solo, she thinks about that 10 percent and can't help breaking out that manic grin, even if it means wrinkles.

Whatever, she'll iron them out later.

Khloé Kardashian: "I'm still relatable, guys."

Oh, Khloé. You used to be our favorite. Or, well, she's not not our favorite anymore, but once she toned up and invested in some Kylie lips it felt like a part of our girl was gone. In fact, these days most of her pictures rely heavily on that sexily apathetic KarJenner pout. Every once in a while, we see her new face trying to smile, and it makes us feel a lot of feels. We guess KhloMoney looks good and all, but it's rough seeing her consumed by her old insecurities.

Also, we've mentioned the fillers thing, right?

Kourtney Kardashian: "Why, why, why."

It's very plausible that Kourt just has a hard case of resting b—h face, but whenever she pulls out one of these we can't help but think that she's feeling some hard resentment towards her entire life. How is she the oldest Kardashian sibling and Kim still ends up the ringleader? Why does Scott keep making out with toddlers? Do not cry for Kourtney Kardashian: she's raking in $35 million a year. But we'd be throwing shade at Kim K constantly, too, if we were in her position.

Kendall Jenner: "In case you forgot, my job is to be professionally hot."

Barring the siblings various business ventures, Kendall's the only one with an actual career, even if it's only a modeling career which LBR has a shelf life of about five minutes. So unlike the rest of her sisters, she tends to input a little bit of personality in her facial expressions. A sidelong smolder, an over-the-shoulder-gaze. That's what's happening in this picture, and that's also the only interesting thing about her. Like, hot take, Kendall Jenner is so boring that we originally typed "Kylie Jenner" in the headline. Wake us up when she stars in another controversial scandal.

Kim Kardashian: "Thank god I'm an icon."

Whenever Kim shows a sliver of smile, we wager that it's because she's feeling grateful that A: She's not Kourtney and B: She's literally an American institution. How else can you rock the wet hair, off-the-shoulder look? We'd look like we were effing shipwrecked, but Kim pulls it off because she is unf–k-withable at this point. Incidentally, Kim also seems to smile more when she's around Kanye, which is objectively pretty cute.

North West: "Mom, why do I have a $2,000 purse, I'm literally a child."

JK, we know that Nori loves her Fendi.

Kylie Jenner: "Just milking this unconfirmed pregnancy for all it's worth."

OK. BUT GUYS. THIS STILL KILLS US. Generally speaking Kylie has but one expression (read: gargantuan pillow lips) so this subtle head tilt and little grin feels telling AF. There is an arrogant smugness in this shot, because Kylie is just biding her time, waiting to reap the benefits of her upcoming pink (or blue!) lip kits and Kylie Shop onesies. Like mother, like daughter.

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