Nicole Kidman made a rare comment about the “emotional time” that followed after her divorce from Tom Cruise.

The Academy Award winning actress, 56, reflected on winning her first Oscar in 2003 for her role in The Hours, which also coincided with her recently finalized divorce from the Top Gun: Maverick star, 61, after 11 years of marriage.

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” Nicole told author Dave Karger for his book 50 Oscar Nights, set to be released on January 23. “That’s what happens, right?”

After an “overwhelmed experience” at the annual Vanity Fair after-party, Nicole returned to her hotel suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel, ordered in and spent the night alone.

“I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours,’” the Being the Ricardos actress continued. “I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”

Nicole met Tom at 22 years old on the set of their film Days of Thunder in 1990 and tied the knot later that year. One of Hollywood’s biggest power couples throughout the ‘90s, the pair adopted two children during their marriage: Isabella — born in 1992 — and Connor — born in 1995. The exes costarred in Stanley Kubrick‘s 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut before Tom abruptly filed for divorce in 2001, citing “irreconcilable differences.”

“Our life together was perfect. It took me a very long time to heal. It was a shock to my system. That was a great relationship,” Nicole opened up about her split from Tom to Red magazine in 2016. “I think it ran its course. I was really damaged and not sure whether [love and marriage] was ever going to happen again to me.”

The actress has since found love with country music superstar Keith Urban, and they’ve started a family of their own. The pair welcomed daughter Sunday Rose in July 2008, followed by a second daughter, Faith Margaret, who was born via a surrogate in December 2010, in Nashville, Tennessee. The couple celebrated 17 years of wedded bliss in 2023.