Prince Harry, Meghan Markle's 'The Me You Can't See' Revelations

Prince Harry opened up about his struggles with mental health following the death of his mother, Princess Diana, wife Meghan Markle’s suicidal thoughts and more in the new AppleTV+ documentary The Me You Can’t See.

“If you’ve been through something, that doesn’t mean that your kids or everybody else has to go through the same thing you’ve been through,” the former senior royal, 36, explained in the documentary, which released on Friday, May 21, about bettering himself for his kids. “I know it’s my responsibility and my duty to break that cycle.”

Harry said he started therapy in 2017. Although that seems relatively recent, the U.K. native said it’s been quite an intense process.

“Four years of therapy for an individual that never thought that they would ever need or do therapy is … that’s a lot,” he explained. “That’s a long time, I wasn’t in an environment where it was encouraged to talk about it either. And that was sort of like squashed.”

The mental health advocate added he sought out therapy to “heal” himself “from the past.” Harry’s mother tragically died on August 31, 1997, after being involved in a car accident in Paris, France. She was 36.

“When my mom was taken away from me at the age of 12, just before my 13th birthday, I didn’t want the life — sharing the grief of my mother’s death with the world,” he recalled, while noting he was still in “shock” from the ordeal.

He continued, “It was like I was outside of my body, and just walking along doing what was expected of me. Showing 1/10 of the emotion that everybody else was showing. This was my mom! You never even met her!”

Harry held on to that trauma into adulthood. He recounted how he began suffering from “panic attacks” and “severe anxiety,” calling ages 28 to 32 “a nightmare time” in his life.

“Freaking out every single time I jumped in the car and every single time I see a camera,” he confessed.

The soon-to-be father of two said his “late 20s” were when he began to have thoughts like, “Should I really be here?” in regard to his royal lifestyle. However, “family members” advised him to “play the game” for an “easier” life.

“But I’ve got a hell of a lot of my mom in me. I feel as though I’m outside of the system, but I’m still stuck there,” Harry said. “The only way to free yourself and break out is to tell the truth.”

Deal of the Day

This ‘Slimming’ Suit is Just $16 Today! View Deal

Harry married Meghan, 39, in May 2018, and they welcomed son Archie one year later. The Horrible Bosses actress is currently pregnant with baby No. 2, a girl, who is due this summer.

Keep scrolling to see the biggest revelations from The Me You Can’t See.

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Holding on to Horror

“I was so angry with what happened to her,” Harry said about the death of Princess Diana. “And the fact that there was no justice at all. Nothing came from that. The same people that chased him into the tunnel, photographed her dying from the backseat.”
He added, “I didn’t want to think about her because, if I think about her, then it’s going to bring up the fact that I can’t bring her back, and it’s going to make me sad. What’s the point I’m thinking about something sad? What’s the point in thinking about someone that you’ve lost that you’re never going to get back again? And I just decided not to talk about it.”

Coping With Anxiety

Harry detailed what those tough years were like dealing with severe anxiety.
“I would just start sweating. I would feel as though my body temperature was two or three degrees warmer than everybody else in the room. I would convince myself that my face was bright red, and therefore everybody could see how I was feeling, but no one would know why. So, it’s embarrassing,” he said.
“I was willing to drink, was willing to take drugs, as well as trying to do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling,” he explained. “But I slowly became aware that, OK, I wasn’t drinking Monday to Friday, but I would probably drink a week’s worth in one day on a Friday or a Saturday night. I was finding myself drinking not because I was enjoying it, but because I was trying to mask something.”

Meghan’s Impact

“I knew that if I didn’t do the therapy and fix myself that I was going to lose this woman, who I [considered] spending the rest of my life with,” Harry recalled about the early days in his relationship with Meghan. “There was a lot of learning by the beginning of our relationship. She was shocked to be coming backstage of the institution of the royal family.”
The former Suits actress encouraged her now-husband to seek therapy.
“When she said, ‘I think you need to see someone,’ it was in reaction to an argument that we had,” he said. “The moment I started therapy, probably with my second session, the therapist turned around to me and said, ‘That sounds like you’re reverting to 12-year-old Harry.’ I felt somewhat ashamed and defensive … She said, ‘I’m not calling you a child. I’m expressing sympathy and empathy for you for what happened to you when you were a child. You never processed it. You were never allowed to talk about it. And all of a sudden now, it’s coming up in different ways as projection.’”

Silent Struggles

“She was six months pregnant at the time … Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts the practicalities of how she was going to end her life,” Harry recalled about the low point in his wife’s mental health. “The scariest thing for her was that clarity of thought. She hadn’t lost it. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t self-medicating, be it through pills or through alcohol. She was absolutely sober. She was completely sane. Yet, in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up.”
He added, “The things that stopped her from seeing it through, was how unfair it would be on me. After everything that happened to my mom and to now be put in a position of losing another woman in my life with a baby inside of her, our baby.”

The Final Straw

Harry said he’s “somewhat ashamed” of the way he reacted in that moment to Meghan’s suicidal thoughts. The husband and wife shared a “quick cuddle” before they needed to head off to the event at the Royal Albert Hall in London. “There wasn’t an option to say, ‘You know what. Tonight, we’re not going to go,’ because imagine the stories that come from that,” Harry said.
“The moment the lights go down, Meghan starts crying. I’m feeling sorry for her, but I’m also really angry with myself that we’re stuck in the situation,” he continued. “I was ashamed that it got this bad. I was ashamed to go to my family. Because, to be honest with you, like a lot of other people my age could probably relate to, I know that I’m not going to get from my family, what I need.”

Then Comes Archie

Meghan and Harry’s son, Archie, was born in May 2019, and his birth was one of the biggest reasons the Prince wanted to step back from his royal duties.
“Every time I look in his eyes, [I’m] wondering whether my wife is going to end up like my mother and I’m going to have to look after him myself. That was one of the biggest reasons to leave,” Harry said. “Feeling trapped and feeling controlled through fear … or the system itself, which never encouraged the talking about this kind of trauma. Certainly, now, I will never be bullied into silence.”

Looking Back

“Do I have any regrets? Yeah, my biggest regret is not making more of a stance earlier on in my relationship with my wife and calling out the racism when I did,” Harry said. ‘History was repeating itself. My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone that wasn’t white. And now, look what’s happened. You want to talk about history repeating itself? They are not going to stop until she dies. It’s incredibly triggering to potentially losing another woman in my life.”

Different Than His Dad

Prince Harry has decided to raise his kids much differently than he was by Prince Charles.
“My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to William and I, ‘Well, it was like that for me, so it’s gonna be like that for you.’ That doesn’t make sense! Just because you suffered, it doesn’t mean that your kids have to suffer,” he said. “In fact, quite the opposite. If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure … you can make it right for your kids.”