Do you think you have what it takes to compete on The Bachelor? If so, you might want to check out the crazy Bachelor application before you go ahead and start dreaming of that final rose. Why? Because as it turns out, it might be easier to become a brain surgeon than to compete on the hit reality series. Sigh, we wish we were kidding.

Most people are already aware that The Bachelor has potential contestants undergo thorough health check-ups. In fact, STDs are the number one reason most people don’t get cast. That said, STD screenings are only the tip of the iceberg! They investigate nearly every aspect of your life — including your psychological state and romantic past. If you think the show is all about being attractive, think again.

Los Angeles Times staff writer Amy Kaufman’s new book titled, Bachelor Nation: Inside the World of America’s Favorite Guilty Pleasure, breaks down exactly what each prospective contestant needs to come armed with in order to make their Bachelor dreams a reality. As featured in the New York Post the list below, which we initially thought was a joke, is very, very real:

  • Fill out an extensive application.
  • Send in 15 photos of themselves.
  • Produce a video of themselves dressed as if going to a nice dinner, showing off their apartment, their pets, and talking about what their ultimate fantasy date would be.
  • If producers are interested, the person will be invited to LA for one of two final audition weekends to meet the producers.
  • A 150-question personality test is filled with multiple-choice and true-or-false questions like: Do you think you can control things with your mind? Have you ever wanted to kill someone?
  • One-on-one interviews with a producers with candles and mood lighting.
  • A bigger interview with two dozen producers who ask questions rapid-fire like “Would you rather have a DDD bra cup or write a cover story for Vogue?”
  • The applicant would then meet the show’s therapist who ask them a wide variety of questions like ‘have you ever cheated on anyone?’
  • A private investigator would then dig up things from their past for story lines and to get ahead of any potential tabloid stories that may come out. The investigator is trained to find out if the person has ever made a sex tape or has an STD [they are required to give pee and blood]. If it turned out the person had an STD, they would be taken out of the running immediately and now dozens of producers and show runners know they have herpes.

If you’re willing to subject yourself to that kind of scrutiny, you deserve all the wealth, health and happiness reality television can bring you. Our only hope is that the CIA is this rigorous in their application process!

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