The day we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. The cast of Arie Luyendyk Jr.‘s highly anticipated season of The Bachelor has been uncovered — and so have their cringe-worthy bios. Arie is going to have a hard time keeping up with these ladies, and not just because there are four Laurens in the group.
Apparently, a lot of the women enjoy the same things. Particularly, Betty White and watching The Bachelor. Who would’ve thought? The bios always give fans their first-impression of the women as Bachelor Nation begins to fill out their brackets — but honestly, some of these responses are ridiculous. Sadly, despite their crazy bios, these ladies are definitely in for a luxurious ride as Arie’s net worth is extremely impressive.
The bios don’t seem to be live on ABC’s website, but one amazing reddit user rounded up the links. So to save you some time, and to give you a much-needed laugh, we rounded up the most hilarious (and somewhat depressing) one-liners from the Season 22 cast. And who knows, one of them might be the future Mrs. Luyendyk! If you can’t wait until the finale, be sure to check out our spoilers to find out who walks away with Arie’s final rose!
Question: What are your top three all-time favorite movies?
Answer: “My attention span doesn’t allow for favorites, but I do remember paying attention through all of Something’s Got to Give and thought it was great!”
First of all, we don’t trust anybody who doesn’t have a favorite movie. And with an attention span like that, we don’t know how Chelsea is going to make it through the rose ceremonies.
Question: What is the best trip you have ever been on and why?
Answer: “Cancun to a random swingers resort. HA! It was actually fun.”
We love that Tia shamelessly admitted to the world that she frequents swingers resorts (and we bet Arie will too). Reality Steve also discovered that she’s BFF with Raven Gates…
Question: What’s your favorite holiday?
Answer: “Halloween – you should see my closet. It’s packed with over 50 costumes. I wish every day were Halloween.”
We love Halloween just as much as the next person, but Valerie openly admitted to having over 50 costumes in her closet. How is that humanly possible? She also hates deep oceans and does not like to cook with meat, just in case you were wondering.
Question: If you could be any animal, which one and why?
Answer: “Bat — flying mammal! My sister said my spirit animal was a bat because I see beauty in dark things.”
Kendall is officially our new favorite person. Along with the fact that she felt the need to clarify that a bat is a flying mammal, she also shared this gem. “My ex gave me an alligator hand holding an iron heart in a jar! I collect taxidermy so it was sweet to me.” How is Arie going to top that?
Question: Would you consider yourself a lover of art?
Answer: Yes. Wish I could be art.
Wait, what? Sigh…
Question: How good of a cook are you?
While we love her enthusiasm for cooking, we really need to retire the use of “thebomb.com?” Krystal also referred to sharks and spiders as “not my jam” and used the word “obvi” when naming The Bachelor as her guilty pleasure.
Question: I love it when my date…
Answer: “Kisses me. Kissing is my favorite food. Lol.”
It was going so well for sunflower-loving Jessica until one of the final questions and she referred to kissing as her favorite food. Well, at least we know she’ll get along with Arie “Kissing Bandit” Luyendyk Jr.
Jenny, 25, and Amber, 29
We combined Jenny and Krystal together because they clearly copied each other’s questionnaire. When asked “If you could be any animal, which one would it be and why?” both expressed their wish of being a dog — but not just any dog. “Golden retriever in an upper-class family for the constant cuddles and being able to do whatever I want,” Jenny said, while Amber said, “I would be a loved dog in an upper-middle class family so I could nap, play, eat and get pet all day.” They are basically the same person.
Question: What’s your favorite book of all time?
Answer: “50 Shades of Grey.”
Stop. This is not OK. Really, Olivia needs to read more. Side note: Is it Janu-Arie yet?!
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