Jordan Kimball Says Week 5 of ‘Bachelor’ Is Like ‘Mean Girls on Steroids’: ‘I’m Onto Your Games!’

Welcome to Life & Style’s weekly recap of Peter Weber‘s season of The Bachelor with fan-favorite, Jordan Kimball! Jordan rose to fame as the gold speedo-clad “pensive gentleman” on Becca Kufrin‘s season of The Bachelorette, and continued to capture fans’ hearts on seasons 5 and 6 of Bachelor in Paradise. Each week, he’ll be spilling his (very) honest thoughts and opinions on Peter, his contestants, and all of the drama that goes down in season 24 exclusively here at Life & Style! 

Another week of roses, travel and tears, here we go!

The End of Alayah

Sydney is ready to call it quits if Pete keeps Alayah — classic move, the “Um, I’m nothing like her so you must not like me” trick. I dig it.

Victoria P. is a switch-up, not a friend and not a great candidate for a partner either. She contributes to nothing in this mansion. Must be the set of a TV show, or something. It’s probably time to say “goodbye, can I walk you out, barely knowing one another it does seem so hard to let go, Alayah made it hard, it was hard to let go” — but he walked it off.

I love how they keep saying “it’s too much.” Well, you can go back home and Pete can keep running this operation, thanks. He was following his heart, but Alayah was leading him on, and it was time. So dramatic. I’m baffled at the confusion and ultimate unknowing-ness of what’s next from the lead.

On With the Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony No. 1

Pete is very proud to return to the house and share that he sent Alayah home. He doesn’t want to seem wishy-washy and pulls Natasha first, let’s see where this goes. Lexi trusts him, if anybody was wondering. Pete, lose the facial hair — stay out of my lane, stick with the Snapchat baby filter face, my guy. Pete is paranoid and keeps addressing trust but Pete, just show them with time — or cook for them with thyme, either will work, lmao. Victoria Fuller is just there for the free reunions with her ex and lip-biting.

It’s time for another rose ceremony. Hannah Ann has been chilling and Mykenna will probably stay too. Pete has only one thing on his mind though: Hannah Brown. It’s so obvious! I need a drink. This is like therapy, but not my own. I’m out here inside Pete’s head 100 percent and I can see the thoughts. The drama is simmering this episode so far. Pete also still seems certain that his future wife is amongst the group, that’s inspiring. We’ve got a smaller group now, but all the drama MVPs are still here! Yessssss. And we are traveling to Costa Rica! I don’t have a favorite this season at this point … it’s just too murky!

Off to Costa Rica and Sydney’s One-on-One

Let’s see what the tropical climate brings us on this season of dating anonymous and abroad. I only say this because we have no idea about who these ladies are yet. Love a good sloth! Get your bug spray! We are in the jungle, Bachelor
Nation!

I’m starting to not like Sydney. I’m not sure why, but I’ll figure it out. Kelley is just looking to have fun because Pete is dating several other girls. JEEZE. Mykenna is talking about tingling feelings in a really odd way, she’s spiraling. Poor Pete sliced his head open, he’s had a rough time with all this. Hopefully he can start to get some romance in here soon. Kelsey is crying, but what’s new.

The volcano outside of the living quarters is cool. Being in a nice scenic area can bring the house together some. Sydney and our beloved pilot are on a one-on-one. So far it’s sweet and they can’t hold back the affection, it’s cute. Happy for them.

Flash over to the house and Hannah Ann is chatting with Kelsey. I’m betting Kelsey sends herself home, she’s on that “my feelings aren’t being reciprocated” vibe. I just wish we could complete thoughts while on these one-on-one dates. Pete thinks Sydney is a mystery, well let’s change that. Pete speaking Spanish just sent me straight back to the ninth grade. I’m eating this up, I guess there’s some potential between these two. Easy chemistry. The pilot says he’s “flying high” lol. Like, we get it. Enough already.

Sydney breaks the news that she hasn’t had a present father figure, and shed some light on growing up in Alabama. Pete seems blown away. I think they’re connecting. Pete thinks they can take on the world. She showed him the qualities that he needed to see, and she accepted the rose. Then they took the date to the water. They may have a future together, we will just have to wait and see.

Flash back to the house and Kelsey is still crying, still upset that Pete didn’t pick her on episode 4 after their one-on-one. I guess she expected him to send all the girls home. Someone steal the champagne from Kelsey! I couldn’t help that one y’all, lol.

The Photo Shoot Group Date

We have a group date up next. Mykenna is disappointed to be on the group date, like c’mon, you don’t just get to come in here and decide your fate. They’re shooting for Cosmopolitan in this group date, and they’re gearing Hannah Ann to win. She’s had the upper hand on these group dates overall. Shine.

It looks like a fun time, but I’m waiting for it to get competitive. Victoria F. and Pete kiss to take the shoot up a notch, and the other ladies did not like this. They’re both wearing red too, subtle underlining notes. All in all, not too much drama, so cheers to that, I guess. The winner of the cover shoot with Peter is Victoria F. She “was there for Pete.” She’s the frontrunner, no doubt about it. Victoria F. pulls ahead hard. Hannah Ann has a rare group rose ring which is cool, little fun fact.

Victoria is being stubborn with Pete, but gives in and they make out. Pete enjoys every second he spends with her. I feel like Nicholas Sparks right now. Hannah Ann has a good spirit. She just slid in to talk with Pete after Victoria F’s time, then they made out too. But Mykenna and Kelsey are still at the bingo hall not getting any action, hahaha. Victoria P. just started making out with Pete and I’m not seeing the fireworks. Let’s give Kelsey her moment! Oh my god, here it is. Kelsey is explaining where she’s at in the process and with him. She has terrifying feelings for Pete, she’s falling in love with him. Now they’re kissing and I’m hoping mono doesn’t break out in the house. Fun fact, I’ve never had mono, because I’m a good boy!

The Tammy/Kelsey Drama Reaches a Boiling Point

Kelsey got her validation and she feels really good. Tammy is being very vocal with Lexi, she’s gonna pop! Ooooooh, I can’t wait! Victoria F. delivered Tammy a scolding hot inside secret: Kelsey said she was the realest “bitch in the house,” and Tammy didn’t like that. Pete and Tammy don’t seem to have a strong connection, so I’m not sure how he will take her words about Kelsey. I guess Kelsey is the next Alayah; Pete said it, not me. Pete is confronting Kelsey, and said she had a mental breakdown. Kelsey is not taking this well. This is messy. Can we just send some girls home based on viewers’ votes? Now Kelsey has to confront the person that told Pete about her behavior the day prior. New Drama Alert!!!!!!! She turned the words into “emotionally unstable” and hey, let’s just go with it. This is a real nail-biter! Darn commercial break!

Victoria F. slams Kelsey for not being strong enough for this process. Now Tammy is going after Kelsey, too. The entire group is against Kelsey on this one. Very awkward drama, and we didn’t even get to the bottom of it. Pete is here to give the rose to … bum bumpata bum … Hannah Ann! Nice work! Ultimately a great group date! Magazine cover photo shoot, a mixer and a group date rose! Loving it. Up ahead there’s moments with Kelley (who we’ve been robbed of) Kelsey and Tammy!

Kelley’s One-on-One Date

We are on the journey with Kelley and Pete y’all! Let’s see where this goes, it’s looking spiritual — dreamcatchers in every corner. They’re being guided by Jupiter’s energy, I’m getting ’70s vibes, baby. Lol. Pete and Kelley tell the spirit tour guides their story, that we have vaguely heard at least three times. I just wish they could either connect or drop the candid “oh we know each other.” She hasn’t really given him any signs of love, Pete wants it, bring it Kelley! They’re plateauing, Pete says. This is such a silent miscommunication.

Flash over back to the house, and Kelsey is still talking — this time with Tammy. Kelsey is the villain after the villain. She grabbed the basket from Alayah. Lots of chitter-chatter but this is going nowhere. Tammy storms off, Kelsey is left crying and slightly embarrassed. Does anybody feel for Kelsey?

I can’t believe there are two episodes this week. It’s our duty to stick with it, we aren’t quitters! So much to come, but is there anything to look forward to? I guess it depends if you’re watching for the right reasons. It kind of feels like the end of Kelley and Pete. He has reservations, and she knows she has been lacking. I think he has made up his mind, but she’s trying to deliver her side. He’s not hearing it though. Kelley is ready for love and has questioned Pete, even.

This is ugly. She just told Pete he is rewarding the drama. Now he’s delivering his side, but it’s not going anywhere. She said “like engaged” and “like” several times more. I’m not sure Kelley is living up to the hype — maybe that’s why she’s been in the shadows. Pete has the rose in his hand, what will he do with this rose? I’m waiting … he asked Kelley to accept the rose and sees her as a challenge! Boy oh boy, this is upside-down. Now they’re making out in a pool like all the other dates. Coming up we have Kelsey creating all sorts of concerns, and I can’t wait to see what we learn!

Kelsey’s Surprise Visit

Kelsey is pulling Pete aside, addressing the same thing that we’ve already let go of. She’s a broken record player, not just the record. She’s in tears, and making no difference in her and Pete’s relationship. It’s just annoying! Now we see the motive of her ratting on Tammy, that’s what this is really about. Be vulnerable and then eliminate the enemy. Pete’s drawing up his own assumptions from this, so Tammy is probably old news. They end the talk with a hug and silent moment viewing the trees. Pete validates Kelsey once more, by giving her a rose before the official rose ceremony. This is crazy, forget it, let it ride. Whatever. Really?!?! I’m so bothered. I hope she makes it to hometowns if this is how it’s going to go down.

Now Kelsey is approaching the group with the rose in her hand and hoping for smooth sailing. The group is silent, but I’m screaming. The girls seem to think that Kelsey’s rose can be taken away. No cocktail party though! Only a rose ceremony. Now Tammy is asking if Kelsey said her name. Lexi just blamed Kelsey, then Mykenna. Kelsey is on her own. It’s OK, she just ruined the evening. But if her and Pete get hitched it’s all worth it. Right?

Did Tammy ever actually say Kelsey popped pills? Did Kelsey lie? What manipulation! Nope, the other girls said she said it, oh my goodness. Tables have turned, it’s Tammy’s fault. Victoria P. was the source to Tammy, though. Victoria P. can’t be trusted. Tammy should leave and everyone should focus on the Bachelor. C’mon! Mykenna voices her frustration, but she’s not the only one. Now Sydney (who has a rose) is voicing her opinion, too. This is hilarious. It’s mean girls on steroids. We just saw a glimpse of what these crazies are like behind the scenes. Victoria P. I’m onto your games!

Mykenna please just let it be, already. What team are you guys on?! I think that no rose ceremony is a good choice. Go in acting confident, minimize the drama. Tammy pulling Pete is a total stunt. She even waited for him to pick the rose up. Mykenna then takes a moment as well. No rules in this, I suppose. It’s becoming more like Paradise in that sense. Mykenna has her name called and Lexi wobbles like she will faint. This house needs guidance. Bring in the spirit tour guides.

Tammy gets a rose!!!!!! Lexi goes home. Best wishes. Now we have more deception and vague clues as Shiann leaves.
Till next episode guys! Follow my Twitter at @jordan__kimball and share this blog with your friends!

The Bachelor airs at 8 p.m. Monday nights on ABC. You can learn all about Pete here, get to know his gorgeous contestants here, and if you can’t wait till the end of the season, you can see all the spoilers here. Check back weekly for all of Jordan Kimball’s Bachelor guest blogs!